Don't Wait Up.

Going off to make some money. See you next year. You be sure to have a good day now, y'hear?

Swim The Blues Away.

When it's all hot and humid and not very nice to be around the house there's only one place to go and that would be the 50 meter public swimming pool to cool off, doing one lap after another, not thinking of anything in particular.

But there's a problem.

I can't find my goggles.  I saw it last in the kitchen but it's not here today. This puts a bit of delay in my plan to swim the blues away and you know how it is with the blues - they get bigger and bigger each minute you delay going to the public swimming pool to cool off. Before you know it, the blues will get so big that they will turn color from blue to purple, and who's gonna stop them from turning to black after that? And so before that happens, I said to myself something like this; why not go get a new pair of goggles? My inner voice says; it's not such a bad idea! And so here I am racing to a place in Subang Jaya where they've got a good collection of swimming goggles that come in all kinds of color and prices.

For a sales promoter of swimming items, I'd say she's a little on the plump side which is not good for the the general perception of a sport like swimming. On the other hand, it's a good thing because despite being a little on the plump side, she's all fired up to lose a bit of weight by first; promoting swimming items before she finally takes up swimming professionally to swim competitively for Malaysia in a game like the Olympics.

From swimming goggles she tries to get me buy this-just-arrived swimming suit that will make me look like Mr Spock. Or how about this fresh-out-of-the-factory swimming trunk that would land me in trouble for indecent exposure. Kick board. Swimming cap. Flippers. 

I just need a pair of swimming goggles, ma'am. And I'd appreciate it if you could show them to me before my blues get bigger and bigger that they will turn color to purple right before your eyes. Believe me, ma'am. You wouldn't like it when my blues turn to purple. 

I got my goggles and I'm heading straight to the public pool to swim the blues away. It doesn't cost much to swim them blues away, maybe 45 minutes of freestyle and 30 minutes of breaststroke. By the time I'm done the blues will go away and I'd be heading to Khalifah at Section 7  Shah Alam for a real man size's lamb biryani.

NEWS FROM HOME (How To Rape Someone)

This has gotta be the worst of time to be the only Malaysian among men who have been out here too long for their own good that they've probably forgotten how a woman looks like. And so when the news from home comes in that Mr Anwar Ibraheem has been accused of the things people say he is guilty of, they look at me kinda strange probably figuring it out among themselves; that Malaysian men are all alike. And so I say, you betcha left ear that we are the same kind. Lemme show you how it's done.

First of all, let's say you're a 60 something year old guy with a back pain. One day you get up from your bed to say to yourself, I gotta rape someone, preferably a guy say around 23 years old. As if by magic, a guy you want suddenly appears in your room, but he's all dressed up which is not good because you can't wait a second longer to have this guy of your fantasy right where you want it. But he doesn't want to give it you and so you figure to yourself, I gotta rape this guy. And so you chase him around the room, and as if by magic, this guy is so afraid of you that he runs around the room in a circle 400 times as if all this is a game. This goes on and on for an hour or so. Finally, the 23 year old guy gets tired that he can't run no more. The 60 year old guy on the other hand, becomes stronger that he can even run 4 marathons that same day and still has the energy left to do all the raping for the rest of the day. And so this 60 year old guy grabs the neck of this 23 year old guy. The 23 year old guy puts up a fight but he's too weak he can't even open his eyes. The 60 year old guy yanks the clothes off the 23 year old victim, and this 23 year old victim of a guy don't do nothing except stare at the window thinking; oh what a lovely day it is outside. And so this 60 year old guy rapes this 23 year guy. Next thing you know, the 23 year old guy goes to see the 2nd most powerful man in Malaysia to say something like this; I got raped by a 60 year old guy with a back pain.

I know most of you have never raped anyone in your life. Maybe you figure it's easy to rape someone and get away with it. Well, maybe. If you are a helluva guy who can knock out your victim unconscious with a powerful slap to the face so you can do your raping like a walk in a park.

Okay, Mr Malaizie Man, you've made your point. Now come drink with us, ha ha ha. Say, Mr Malaizie Man, how old are you? HA HA HA HA

Take Me Home.

The sun is a ball of fire as orange as the sun should be on an evening like this in a place a thousand miles from home. Pretty women walking by, eyes sharp as blade to look deep into my heart that I can't help but to fall in love with every one of them. Take me home, take me home. Take me to your mom so I can tell her what a beautiful daughter you've got here, ma'am, and that it would be a pity if she's not married to a Far-Eastern guy like me. I'll love her with every thing I've got and more. I'll take care of her the way you've taken care of her and more. Take me home, take me home before the sun goes down. 

When the sun goes down, I walk the street to pass by a kebab shop manned by a guy with a smile so friendly that it got me to buy a dozen lamb kebab to fill me up until late at night thinking; why bother going home when you've made up your mind that this is as far as we could go and no more. 

I take a shower and try to get some sleep but all I do is stare at the ceiling wondering what you're doing now or if you ever think about me the way I think about you which is all the time and more. But I know better there's no point thinking, about the things I'd want them to happen the way they should be, when I'm in a place a thousand miles from home. I know better too that I don't have a home no more when you decided this is as far as we could go and no more.

And so I decide to go farther, a million miles and more. To look at the sun bright orange as the sun can be in a place millions of miles from home. 

Don't take me home. Don't ever take me home again. I know better that there's no such thing as home when I can't have you.