Tuesday, August 12, 2008

NEWS FROM HOME (How To Rape Someone)

This has gotta be the worst of time to be the only Malaysian among men who have been out here too long for their own good that they've probably forgotten how a woman looks like. And so when the news from home comes in that Mr Anwar Ibraheem has been accused of the things people say he is guilty of, they look at me kinda strange probably figuring it out among themselves; that Malaysian men are all alike. And so I say, you betcha left ear that we are the same kind. Lemme show you how it's done.

First of all, let's say you're a 60 something year old guy with a back pain. One day you get up from your bed to say to yourself, I gotta rape someone, preferably a guy say around 23 years old. As if by magic, a guy you want suddenly appears in your room, but he's all dressed up which is not good because you can't wait a second longer to have this guy of your fantasy right where you want it. But he doesn't want to give it you and so you figure to yourself, I gotta rape this guy. And so you chase him around the room, and as if by magic, this guy is so afraid of you that he runs around the room in a circle 400 times as if all this is a game. This goes on and on for an hour or so. Finally, the 23 year old guy gets tired that he can't run no more. The 60 year old guy on the other hand, becomes stronger that he can even run 4 marathons that same day and still has the energy left to do all the raping for the rest of the day. And so this 60 year old guy grabs the neck of this 23 year old guy. The 23 year old guy puts up a fight but he's too weak he can't even open his eyes. The 60 year old guy yanks the clothes off the 23 year old victim, and this 23 year old victim of a guy don't do nothing except stare at the window thinking; oh what a lovely day it is outside. And so this 60 year old guy rapes this 23 year guy. Next thing you know, the 23 year old guy goes to see the 2nd most powerful man in Malaysia to say something like this; I got raped by a 60 year old guy with a back pain.

I know most of you have never raped anyone in your life. Maybe you figure it's easy to rape someone and get away with it. Well, maybe. If you are a helluva guy who can knock out your victim unconscious with a powerful slap to the face so you can do your raping like a walk in a park.

Okay, Mr Malaizie Man, you've made your point. Now come drink with us, ha ha ha. Say, Mr Malaizie Man, how old are you? HA HA HA HA


Blogger cakapaje said...

Salam Bergen,

Whoa! You put them shivers into me, lol!

Bro, just like a decade ago, the scripts been changed again. It seems, the director and producers of this show wants to be politically correct - rape is wrong, consensual is right! And in consensual act of this nature, the producers deem it right for only one party to be charged while the other, as someone puts it, is not 'baligh' yet! ;)

12:40 PM  
Blogger Akmal said...

Salaam Bergen,
Practically speaking, we have loads of craps going on around, no? And in short, all those craps are just too crappy that you can even actually rule them out by thinking analogously simple.
Amazingly, the twists of all those craps? It has become a national issues. At least to certain party.

2:01 PM  
Blogger Monster Mom said...

Believe it or not, there are people who believe in it...or perhaps want to believe it...

Believe it or not, now, there is a call for JIHAD on that guy...


6:27 PM  
Blogger Zabs said...

Salam Bergen,
I just cannot stop laughing so I guess I should stop here. Hahaaha..

7:17 PM  
Blogger Ailin in Stockholm said...

Dang! What a splendid world we live in, Mr. Bergen.

So proud to be Malaysian... snickers....

8:13 AM  
Blogger nadya said...

:) what a world we lived in yeah, crappy states and situation.. stupid allegation and bigger crap waiting.

i wish i live somewhere else,tapi somewhere else also not so green.

few reason to still stay here, this land we called home.. one of the reason is you and ypur posting.

anyway, my vote goes to that 60 years old man with back pain, no doubt. there is still hope for a better malaysia.

3:38 PM  
Blogger Kata Tak Nak said...

No wonder those African man are living the country in droves. They are afraid of 60 something year old Malaysian males.

10:43 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Cakapaje: It's the same script, wonder who the writer is.

Akmal: You sound pretty angry there, young man.

Monster Mom: It makes me wonder why they have such a deep hatred for the guy.

Zabs: Good to know you know when to stop, sir. He he. Or I'd be in trouble for doing this to you.

Ailin: How's things with you, ma'am? Glad to see you here.

Nadya: You got my vote too. How's your dad doing, ma'am?

Kata Tak Nak: LOL, you got me. The Africans are afraid of 60 year old something Malasians?

Take care now, y'hear? And have a nice day. it's hot out there so try to stay cool.

1:15 AM  
Blogger zackzara said...

Hmm.. perhaps the song of "Same Script Different Cast" by Whitney Houston & Deborah suits this one. :)

Same Script...Different Cast.. Indeed!

1:36 PM  
Blogger nadya said...

dad is doing well,thanks for asking, i bet..he's reading this from raub.

been busy tending to durian orchard,during fruit season.. beside the usual masjid activities, send mama back n to ofc and cooking.. enjoy playing house-husband until mama retired next year. :)

hv a good weekend n good swim mister.

2:08 PM  
Blogger Count Byron said...

Yes, and if u believe that, u'll believe anything. African leaving in droves, afraid of 60 sth yo? ha ha ha ha ha. Nice.

7:19 AM  

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