Monday, August 23, 2010

People Who Don't Do The Things They Wannna Us To Do

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a quarrel with those nice guys who come on TVs every now and then to talk about what you gotta do to be a good person like you gotta read this doa' and read that doa', or you are not supposed to eat fish, chicken and beef in one sitting because it's bad for you, or you gotta eat fruits first before you take care of the main meal like a nice juicy steak. I don't have a quarrel with these guys, neither do I admire these guys for what they do because all they do all day is talk talk talk in a motivated way and to use Rasulullah as the example and citing this hadith and that hadith when I know for certain they just pluck these hadith from somewhere and then repeat them to you and me all the time making themselves look good for knowing so much about Rasulullah and Islam and everything there is to know about in this world.
No I don't have a quarrel with these nice guys because they make a lot of money talking the way they do. It's fine by me if they want to appear on TVs in a suit that they got off the rack and it is fine by me if they don't know how to match their shoes, or the pants look funny on them. As far as I am concerned they can put on the Spiderman suit and talk talk talk all day because some people make a living that way and from what I gather, it's a good living because they charge you by the hour and an hour can set you up quite a bit of money.
And there are guys like that who use the light and sound effects to talk talk talk about motivation and Allah and Rasulullah and Micheal Jackson and Dunia and Syurga and Neraka and Dosa and Pahala that I thought they are putting on a theatre show with props like stretcher, a body wrapped in kain balut mayat and stuff like that. They are even more expensive and from what I gather, these guys are good. And I don't know what exactly does it mean by 'good' because you can't make me pay to see a show like that. I don't think so.
I don't have a quarrel with these guys - people who give motivational talks to a willing audience for a fee. I don't keep track of how much money they make but I reckon this whole thing has become an industry in itself that could be worth millions by the time I'm done typing this entry out.
I like watching these guys do their talking on TVs because you can call in to talk about your problem and they've got all the answers in the world that can make you feel good. And they will cite this hadith or that hadith, sometimes they cite Qur'an translation and most of the time they tell you what you gotta do but I am not so sure if they themselves do the things they tell you to do. If you miss their show on TVs you can always go the bookstores to buy their CDs, or DVDs or books and these, lemme warn ya, don't come cheap.
Maybe you have an answer why the society needs to be motivated by these nice guys. Maybe there is a sociological explanation as to the increasing demand for motivational talks and seminars that you know, and you wish to share what you think of this because there's gotta be a reason why they do the things they do in order to make you do the things you've gotta do. And deep inside you know, they don't do the things they want you to do. But that's OK. That's how they make their money.


Monday, August 16, 2010


This entry has little punctuations and so it is a downhill run from the first paragraph. You need to punctuate where necessary, very much like reading those ancient kitab, commonly referred to as Kitab Kuning where the Jawi is free flow and you need to master the Fi'lun, Harfun and Ismun of the Arabic grammar.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ANY WHERE IN THE WORLD during this time of the year except right here in this here country where you can go to bazaar Ramadan in the evening to watch people coming and going looking happy in the face now that they've got all the kuih muih and lauk pauk all wrapped up in red plastic bags much too thin to hold everything in but it's the only kinda plastic bag all the traders in the country are using on account it's the industry standard.
This is the time to be feasting and tucking in all the nice things they've got at the bazaar Ramadan and you've got a few more weeks of this good tucking time before it's all over. Miss this and you're gonna have to wait for a year before all this repeats itself all over again. You don't want to do that because you may not live that long when this comes back on next year - what with things like high blood pressure and cancer and all that stuff that can kill you before you have the chance to re-live the tucking and feasting galore that only bazaar Ramadan can do to you.
To some ustaz and motivational experts on TVs bazaar Ramadan isn't a good thing. They say Ramadan is not about feasting but about something I don't get it on account they always talk using Arabic terms here and there and everyone including the Mayor of Beruas know I don't speak a word of Arabic to understand what those ustaz and motivational speakers on TVs are so mad about when they talk in high-class tone of voice that people shouldn't be feasting and tucking nice things from bazaar Ramadan. I got the feeling they are mad with themselves for not being able to go to bazaar Ramadan because they have a busy schedule talking and giving advice on TVs that they don't have the time to themselves to able to go to bazaar Ramadan to do the feasting and tucking like everyone else who enjoys being there. And they know that it is twice the fun to be there when you fast all day and everyone knows when you fast all day, everything looks good that you get the feeling that you can eat anything including the red plastic bags.
People do the thing they do. And people understand Ramadan differently and I believe those ustaz and motivational speakers on TVs should just let people do the thing they do because let's face it, not everyone takes time off to study Soheh Bukhari on fasting, which takes about three years to cover, if you don't miss a single class, that is. And not every one takes time off to study Al Azkar or Riadhusolehin. It is a lot more fun to visit bazaar Ramadan than to study something like that and so when people come down to the bazaar to do feasting and tucking I believe those ustaz and motivational speakers on TVs should leave them alone to experience Ramadan they way they do. And if they want to experience Ramadan feasting and tucking nice expensive buffet in high class hotels, or enjoy their iftar on a boat cruising down a lake, I'd say leave them alone. Everyone understands Ramadan differently. Otherwise, they'd be ustaz and motivational speakers talking on TV about it isn't a good idea to be feasting and tucking all those nice things from bazaar Ramadan.


Monday, August 09, 2010


The chief and the town council guys of Kuala Kangsar talked about it in a meeting after meeting, and came to an agreement to build some kinda building so the good folks of Kuala Kangsar could come out of their houses to sell laksa and cendol under one roof very much like that of the Jolly Green Giant of Bangsar.
The plan worked. The good folks of Kuala Kangsar came out in good numbers, all armed with family recipe of the laksa that had made Kuala Kangsar a town it was and they were going to show the world what laksa could do to a man like you. Or a woman - whichever comes first.
You can go visit this place by the Sungai Kuala Kangsar to eat laksa and wash it down with cendol or ais kacang or whatever you feel like drinking but not the kinda drink cowboy like to drink when they ride into town to have a good time with women dressed oh-so-pretty like a doll not to mention a bit of feather on their hairdo.
These days I've made a life out of stopping over in Kuala Kangsar on the way North to see her. And it has become my habit to ride about town looking for something to eat other than Mamak food and by a stroke of my genius luck I found this Laksa and Cendol Complex by the Sungai Kangsar but the truth is three blind mice can find this place with no problem.
The laksa came pretty quick. But whatsammater with you? This young looking girl hardly fifteen brought me a plate of laksa with gravy and a bit of sliced cucumber and a bit of lettuce. I looked up the menu board and it said right there; Laksa Telur RM2.00 ++. Mine here was Laksa kosong for RM1.30. This was not right and so I called out the kakak who looked like she owned the stall to come over real quick because this laksa crisis had to be resolved right now or else I was going to call up the king himself to deal with this issue because this here is the king's town and he ought to know what's going going on.
The kakak explained good. Laksa kosong was the laksa I had ordered and it was just that - kosong. If I had wanted telur, I should have ordered that and she'd be happy to give it to me for extra 70 sen. I said this is not right. I said kakak, this is not the way you should do business.
Laksa - the world over, is a complete food. You've got laksa made of beras or whatever and you've got gravy. And the garnishing is standard and you shouldn't charge extra for it. Oh well you can charge extra 50 sen, plus the telur. But look at my laksa kosong, it has nothing. Not even sliced chili, onion, mint or anything. This is not the right way to do business, kakak.
But she wasn't listening.
Next week I am going to go to Kuala Kangsar to start laksa business and I am going to put all the garnishing under the sun and I'll charge RM1.70 per bowl. Buy three bowls I'll throw in two free cendol. Because the folks in Kuala Kangsar don't seem to get it that laksa and the garnishing is all part of the complete dish.
Whatsamatter with these people? They are going to bring down the name of Kuala Kangsar with laksa. Which is pretty sad because it was laksa that sort of raised Kuala Kangsar a notch above the Royal Town.
I'm not trying to say nothing, but really, you folks should learn a thing or two about business from the Makcik in Kedai Payang Kuala Terengganu, or the Makcik in Pasar Khadijah in Kota Bharu.

I am not easily irritated by food or bad service or expensive food. But I get mad when people start to mess up with traditional food by not presenting it correctly, or start to be smart for their own good. Next thing you know, Laksa Kosong without the gravy. If you want the rest, you'd better pay extra. The Laksa sellers of Kuala Kangsar have no respect for Laksa. This is not right.


Thursday, August 05, 2010


Good things don't happen all that often and so when they do, you'd wanna to take them all in and enjoy 'em while they last. But you don't wanna do that because she is some one's missus and you know it is not the right thing to do to be talking on the phone with her at the hour of the night when you should be sleeping like a truck that has ran out of gas.

But there she goes talking about one thing to another, and one thing leads to another that's bigger than the last thing she has just talked about and frankly I find it hard to keep up because I know I doze off once or twice while holding on to the phone but she just keeps on talking like a politician on a mission to save the planet from being eaten up by an octopus that has just gotten bigger after being shot by mistake with a serum that can blow up the cells ten times over.

I told her once or twice before that she shouldn't be talking to me be about everything that has gone very wrong with her and her man on account there is nothing I can about it and also on account I don't have the necessary papers or documents to be listening to marital problems or domestic affairs that only Leprechaun can do something about it.

But she keeps on talking and I keep on listening. All the time thinking one of these days I am going to be in a lot of trouble for talking to some one's missus on the phone at the hours of the night when I should be dreaming of something like roast lamb, or something nice like that.

Last week she called to meet up in a restaurant to talk about something she said was urgent and important that only a sympathetic pair of ears like mine are capable of listening which I doubt very much because ears like mine are as good as yours to be listening to anything other than other people's marital problem. We didn't meet up because I had a good reason not to. I did and it was the first class reason too. I told her I was getting married and had to rush to two other towns after the wedding because I had to marry two more women, one after another in two towns and had to get back in the city to marry the last one before the Tok Kadi calls it a day. She laughed and said you and your tall stories about women.

The boy in you want to tell her that I gotta go to the bathroom but the man in me is just too chicken to hurt someone this hour of the night when I should be thinking about lamb briyani or something nice like that.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010


View from Masjid Ubudiah, Kuala Kangsar

I know a coupla guys who used to go to the high class school in this boys' town but I'm not too sure if they wanna consider me their friend because they stick together wherever they go and they put on the school necktie on Wednesday and they go have lunch together among themselves or talk big business that you'd better get out of there because if you didn't go to the high class school in this boys' town like they did, you ain't one of them. And that makes you an outcast. As an outcast you'd best be riding along on your machine all by yourself heading North real quick because rain is coming down pretty hard by the look of the clouds over Kuala Kangsar this time of day.

I like Kuala Kangsar. I like the river. I like the whole thing about it. I like having lunch in this boys' town and watching them boys in white pants and shirts going about in groups talking among themselves looking so high class and elite and all that stuff that they can make you feel kinda strange not wearing something white like they do. But it doesn't matter. It's a boys' town and this is their town. I got nothing to do with it.

See ya, Kuala Kangsar. You take care of them boys now, y'hear?

Monday, August 02, 2010

Have You Ever Missed Someone Real Good?

A dangerous thing to do standing in the middle of the road for this shot. But the scene was too beautiful to be passed.

Speed is a funny thing. You keep your eyes on the road. You try not to think of anything because at 160 kmph you can't afford to blink. A pebble on the road, or a bug flying off against your visor can make you flinch. At 160 you don't want to flinch. The chain reaction is just too much. You might jerk the handle bar a little to the right, or left. Next thing you know the machine wobbles making it very difficult to bring it back on steady. This sort of thing happens once too many and I have have seen enough that sometimes I feel like selling off this machine in exchange for a World War II German panzer tank.

Like I've said, speed is a funny thing. You don't want to think of anything when you're doing 160 but all of a sudden you see her in your mind, smiling and I swear I hear her laughter. In the middle of doing 160 I miss her so good that I gotta go faster to reach Sungai Bakap before dark.