I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing.

THE LEADER OF THE FIVE PIECE BAND TOLD ME SOMETHING LIKE THIS; you can't carry a tune, so please do the world a favour, give us back our microphone and leave the stage to go pick up a hobby like carpentry. I said I know carpentry very well, as a matter of fact I can build you a house if you gave me enough timber. In the end he said; just give us back our microphone and get out of here, will you? I am a pretty smart guy with enough brain to know better that he doesn't like my singing all that much and so I'm thinking, before fists start flying since I am pretty fond of making my point this way, I'd better leave him with his music.

I KNOW I'M MAKING A LOT OF PATRONS SUFFER from a sudden burst of severe headache with my version of Hotel California in a karaoke lounge where me and my friends are having a good time laughing and singing and flirting with women in skirts shorter than a piece of handkerchief. We are laughing and singing but when it is my turn to sing I don't hear no laughter no more. As a matter of fact I thought the world has come to an end and I'm hoping it isn't because of my singing but one of the patrons says that it is and so I go down to him and fists start flying.

ONE TIME IN A PUB LISTENING TO A LIVE BAND playing a happy tune, me and my buddies sing along with the band happy as a parakeet but it's making a lot of patrons uncomfortable that one of them look me in the eye different. I go over and fists start flying and before you know it I pay the desk sergeant RM50 for throwing the first punch. Good thing me and my buddies don't have to spend a night in jail. It would be such a pity since we have just got in to town and have checked in a nice hotel with a nice swimming pool.

ROBERTO FROM THE PHILIPPINES can play the guitar and sing real good. One evening he's in the singing mood and start to do a song I know very well and so I reckon it wouldn't kill anyone if I sing along with him. Half way through the song he says he gotta go. I ask him where are you going? He says I gotta to the toilet. He died three years later in a fire explosion in the middle of Saudi Arabian desert.

WE ARE DRIVING ON A HIGHWAY IN A NEW VOLVO CROSSCOUNTRY and the song comes on the radio. I figure this is as good a time as any to show my romantic side by singing along with the song from the radio. You may think this is a corny thing to do in this day and age but I'm in the singing mood and I know very well I can sound exactly like the guy in the radio. And so I sing as I would sing a national anthem. After I'm done singing she says something like this; can we make a stop at the next Rest Area? I say sure thing, luv. At the Rest Area she goes in to the ladies and I wait and wait for her to come out but she never does. And then my Nokia N95 goes off. It's her. She said something like this; we're through. I reckon it must have been the smell of the new Volvo Crosscountry and so I say to her don't you worry about it, luv, I'll get you a S60. She hung up and never call back. I drive all the way to the end of North to go check in to a hotel and stare at the ceiling thinking one of us is lonely but it doesn't really matter.

I'M IN THE MUSIC STORE looking through one CDs after another and I suddenly have the urge to sing like I would sing a national anthem. There are a few people in the store including a young couple obviously too much in love to notice that I'm about to teach the world to sing...