Wednesday, October 15, 2008

For One Last Time...

If you are gonna explain to me for one last time about how all this economic meltdown came about, you'd better have yourself a stronger drink than coffee because who knows,  your blood might shoot up so high now that you've explained it to me for the sixth or seventh time but I still don't get it. 
I'm not trying to discourage you from explaining further but lemme you this; I know one of two teachers who came down with high fever because they made a mistake of thinking that given the right motivation or inspiration, a hopeless student like me could be nurtured to become a decent guy with a decent brain. And so they encouraged me to take a bit of interest in my studies because they believed in me. Frankly, I don't know why they have such a firm belief in me that I could be someone when I know who I wanted to be - and that is to be a truck driver and to marry 4 women at any given time - just like Uncle who had 16 wives in his lifetime total. He drove the one-way Bukit Besi train and he got 16 wives. I figured if I drive a truck, I'll have me all the roads in my Malaysia to ply from one place to another. With a bit of charm and smile, I could double that to having 36 wives total in my lifetime. Now THAT is an achievement. But those teachers don't get it and so they came down with high fever when I kept failing in class. They didn't get it that I didn't want to keep up. I was too busy thinking about trucks. And wives. And all they wanted was for me to stay focused in my Maths, Science, Geography, History and stuff I didn't really care about because I know better that I don't have the brain for stuff like that.
Just as I don't have the brain to understand the real meaning behind the concept people have conveniently termed as 'economic meltdown'.
You'd better have a full bottle of what you're drinking if you plan on explaining things to me because I'm beginning to see trucks, trains, ships and women.


Blogger Kama At-Tarawis said...

Aaahhhh, am glad to see you are back, and with a vengeance too! Welcome back, your writings have been missed :)

11:21 PM  
Blogger Fauziah Ismail said...

Salam Bergen
Let me share this e-mail with you, irrespective whether or not it makes sense.

In light of what have been happening on Wall Street and the financial market, pl ease note these new financial abbreviations:

CEO - chief embezzlement officer.
CFO - corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET - A random manipulated market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
'BUY, BUY' - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
CALL OPTION - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
PROFIT - Religious person who talks to God.

11:48 PM  
Blogger Pok Deng said...

I'll explain you how "jeppuk pisang" is made and you will imagine trucks, trains, ships and women.

1:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What if i try explaining women?

10:41 AM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

I can't explain anything toyou because I can only offer "kampung life" which you are have a lot more to say than me.

2:04 PM  
Blogger AuntieYan @ Makcik Blogger said...

Salam Bergen....

Dah keluar dari tempat persembunyian??

Ha!...ha!....I pong dok faham jugak!

2:08 PM  
Anonymous Percicilan said...

Can I try in simple terms?
Economic meltdown=
people in power need more money for their wives handbags, things become more expensive for us lay people and so we melt in the economic firepot.

still with me? or visualising anak dara kampung already.. :P

3:55 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Kama At-Tarawis: You say nice things, ma'am. Thank you.

Fauziah Ismail: LOL, this very much explains things better than a full-day lecture. Thank you, ma'am.

9:52 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Pok Deng: You write good stuff, mate! Glad to meet.

Anonymous 10:41: LOL, can you?

AuntyN: Nothing beat kampung practicality. Yang jadi caca merba la ni pasai ghamai sangat orang pandai. LOL. Amacam? Loghat utara ada baguih? Mau praktis la sebab sat lagi nak pi hala ke utara, he he.

Auntieyan: I only understand this; dapat seringgit, belanja 7 kupang, simpan 3 kupang. Jangan hutang, bayar cash. Kalau tak dak duit dok sengap2, jangan beli. Ini semua Aunt yang ajar - simple economy that works for me just fine.

Percicilan: You've gotta explain a bit more, so I can see more LOL.

9:58 PM  
Blogger Effa Mas said...

I'd sure like to try. Who knows it's actually much easier than explaining men, and trucks. :)

10:38 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Effa Mas: Good idea, ma'am. LOL

2:01 PM  

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