Smell of Heaven.

THE SKIN FELT KINDA THIN. When you run your fingers to caress her softly, the skin will stretch into a fold at the tip of your fingers that you can feel the bones underneath. She looked me in the eye to ask the question she had asked me a million times; do you think I'll go heaven? Of course you will, Aunt Su. Don't worry about it too much. She'd smile to say; you say that all the time. Yes, I do but that's because you ask me that question all the time. And we'd laugh and boy she made me feel so happy when she laughed like that but after she'd done laughing, she looked through you as if you are a piece of glass. Next minute she'd be still as a statue, silent as a moon . All I had to do is to caress her hand, feeling the skin so thin to the touch. Don't say nothing until she'd say; go get my reading glasses. You mean the dark ones that Saloma put on when she sang Bila Larut Malam? Like a child I'd wait for her to say this; Ish, budak ni, aku balun hang baghu tau. I'm happy as a dolphin when she says this that I give her a big, long hug to smell the talcum powder on her back. It's the same smell that Grandma had. Aunt too had the same smell. Women that age smell the same way. It's the smell that can put you to sleep and wishing that you never wake up because you wanna dream that you're ten years old, walking in between Grandma and Aunt, all the time holding on to their selendang panjang that smells of perfume, paper umbrella under the midday sun, and sweat beads running down their arms.

I'm in the living room looking at the clothes that I've folded into a neat stack thinking to myself what should I do with Aunt Su's clothes, batik sarung, combs, reading glasses, shoes, sleepers, mugs, bracelets, rings, hair clips, selendang, telekung, sejadah, tasbih, surah Yasin, Qur'an. I turn off the light to close my eyes and to dream of Aunt Su and to soak in the smell of heaven...