BERGEN P.I - We Bring 'Em Back.

Image uploaded by Bergen.

ON A GOOD DAY WHEN THE SUN IS SHINING, BLUE SKIES AND ALL I get about 2 phone calls at the office and I gotta be honest with you that the calls I get are not from my loyal clients but are from people I still owe money with and they want their money fast because the invoice is way way overdue. And so I promise them to check on me again tomorrow if I am still in this business of valves and gaskets for the oil and gas industry. I'm not sure if I can make it through this bad times now that business has slowed down to almost a halt. At the rate the whole thing is going I may have to diversify and what better business to get into other than a full-fledged private investigation agency with added service such as bounty hunter, specializing in locating and bringing back missing politicians from their hideouts.

There's a huge market for this type of business now that going missing has become such a trendy thing to do among politicians, very much like having your over-priced coffee at one of those fashionable coffee outlets where you can sit all day drinking coffee while playing with your laptop. I firmly believe that this business is recession-proof because people need politicians to keep us amused and as long as there are politicians, there's a good chance that they will play the missing game every now and then.

You don't need to cook up a working paper to start this business. Those young executives at the bank won't know how big the potential is for this business to grow, especially in Malaysia while they're still thinking and pondering about anti-hopping law. But I'm not too worried about anti-hopping law because with or without it, politicians can still go missing when they feel like taking a break from working too hard for the people who elected them in the last election.

Like every business venture, I'm gonna need high-profile equipment to get me going. I may have to start small. For a start I may not be able to afford James Bond kinda car, or his kinda suit, and shoes, and women and all. So I'm gonna have to go with a worn-out t-shirt, 501, a pair of worn out shoes, second-hand camera phone and a pen, just in case I need to pry open a door or something. And I'm gonna have to print my business card, and invoice, and quotation. I've figured this out.

Consultation - RM25.00
Field Work - RM10.00 per day
Politicians (Rate) Parliament: RM350.00 / State Executive Councillor RM200.00
Cabinet Minister: RM3,000.
Deputy Prime Ministers: RM500,000
Prime Minister: Negotiable.

I'm gonna have to hire a Girl Friday to take care of the office like answering the phone and stuff like that. The girl must be pretty and should be able to handle herself, preferably she knows martial art. Who knows people might storm our office in the middle of lunch because we are in a dangerous business.

As for now I can put on hold the order from a Norwegian oil company and concentrate on my new business venture. So I'm gonna need a new title: Bergen P.I. Kinda nice, like Magnum P.I, or Mike Hammer. I'm gonna like this job and my first assignment is to go find that Arumugam guy who is said to be missing and is believed to be in Chennai. I'll figure out later who my client is and who's gonna foot the bill, when I bring this Arumugam guy back to whoever wants him for what he is worth.

Don't call me at the office because I'm onto something big, out in the field looking and hunting for a missing politician. If you need that valves for your oilfield, just sms me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. You may leave a message after the beeeeeep...