Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Guy In The Middle.

MA'AM, WHEN HE'S MADE UP HIS MIND TO MARRY ANOTHER you'd better get out of the way and call the Fire Department. I don't think I'm the right person for you to call in the middle of the night to sob sob sob in between the sentences about how you've given everything you got to make him happy like keeping yourself pretty and desirable, not to mention learning everything you need to learn from Betty Crocker and Martha Stewart. Yes, I do mind answering the phone when I'm all set to call off the day, dreaming of a happy dream about the person I most would like to marry and live happily ever after. But I don't have the heart to tell you this and so I write this in a blog hoping that you won't find it because if you do, I figure you'd be hurt twice over and I'd be in a lot more trouble than the state I'm in.
Your hubby isn't exactly a friend but he comes around the house every now and then to brag about the new woman he just met that he's decided to marry come what may. I don't keep friends because I'm not much of a friendly kinda guy to begin with but I treat a guest the best way I can to make him feel at home and that simply means cooking up something simple like braised lamb, or nasi goreng kampong, or whatever.
I don't have a good advice for you, ma'am. But I know this for sure - that when a man decides to marry another, you'd better get out of the way because he believes he knows what he's doing. You can trust me 100% on this one - after six or eight months, when the dust finally settled, he'd think of you more often than he does of his new woman, and he'd want you back the same way he wanted you when he first met you on the first date. You see, your hubby isn't the first guy who comes around the house every now and then to brag about the new women in their life. I bet all the stuff in my fridge that he'd come around the house in six or eight month from now, crying like a baby, pleading and sobbing that I call you to tell you that he's sorry and that he wants you back. I've never been a woman before but I reckon this kinda stuff hurts you inside but I know for fact that in the end you can win this game if you just let him have his way for now.
I'm gonna tell you this next time you call so that you won't sob sob sob in between the sentences.
One time there was a woman with the same predicament as the state you're in who came around the house to sob sob sob in between the sentences because her hubby had ran off with a new woman he met on the airplane. She found out that they married in a state where you can marry as many women you want in a single afternoon. Next thing I know, she came around the house looking for her hubby thinking that I had allowed the house to be used as some kinda sanctuary for the newyled. She sob sob sob so hard and so long that I gotta keep running to the kitchen to fetch her a glass of water to replenish the tears she cried because I figured if she kept going that way, she'd dry up the tears in no time and that she gonna get herself dehydrated like a leaf dry as bone in the sun.
Please, ma'am. You'd better call the Fire Department. Or one of those motivators on the morning TVs. They seem to have all the answers in the world that I have the impression they can help turn this world into a huge market for their motivational talk. Do you know what I mean?

17 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous123 said...

Hehehehe so cute when you wrote "sob sob sob in between the sentences"

1:23 AM  
Blogger Zawi said...

Bergen,
Some people change spouse as if they are changing their clothes. I will keep mine for life, come what may.

9:10 AM  
Blogger Pok Deng said...

You should put in your favorite phrase "there is nothing you can do about it."

9:36 AM  
Blogger mamasita said...

Hahahahaha..yeahlah.If the husband dah selak nak kawin lagi,bagi je lah.Dia dah angau sangat nak buat macam mana kan?Tapi bila dah tua,nak suruh papah gi bilikair atau terhehkk kat tilam.jangan cari bini tua k?

Rumah you jadi rumah persinggahan for those yang nak kawin again?Kalau bukan those type tapi those yang minat 'braised lamb' boleh drop by ker?I dont mind bringing the mint sauce.hehehe

9:41 AM  
Blogger mamasita said...

O I forgot..please drop by my blog ye?I have been waiting for a long time Sir!THank you Sir!

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Mr Bergen,
U write so beautifully and I'm already addicted to this blog. I do hope my husband won't ever leave me for another woman and I know he is as sensible as you not to do that to me and the kids. Thanks again for the beautiful article.

11:51 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Anonymous 123: It takes a lot of skill to sob sob sob and at the same time express yourself in a proper sentence. he he

Zawi: You know that is the right to do, sir. You should let your missus read what you've written - that'll make her feel like like a million buck.

Pok Deng: LOL, I didn't realize this until you pointed it out here.

Mamasita: In most cases, it's the 1st missus will come to provide the care-giving when the guy is too ill to do any more marrying. he he.

Anonymous 11:51AM; Thank you, ma'am.

2:41 PM  
Blogger ina said...

Salam Sir,

I do agree with you that the lady should just let the matter runs its course... as you said, maybe in a few months, the husband would realise his mistakes... Rather than get mad, she should get even...hehehe. On another note, is it okay for me to link your blog to mine? It'll be easier for me to read your updates. Thanks again, sir.

1:56 AM  
Blogger Desert Rose said...

ooo no wonder after after six month (of that cooling off-(pegi mampus -suka hati ko nak buat apa,aku x kisah -period) my hubby is now clinging to me like a second skin.And out of the blue, he will sing together with Broery on d cd, the song which tells about an infidel husband whom dah tobat and now trying to win his wife back, every time in d car, and always hold my hands when he does that (singing ????or choking). I think it is one way of an egoist chauvinistic pig to say sorry...cheh very cheap sale.Anyway, i felt better after reading this post. Tq Bro.

12:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i was like that sob sob sob in between the sentences woman 7 mths ago, now he has broken off with the other younger woman and i am waiting for him to atone.. but the question is do i want him back if he does?? what is this about men with midlife crisis? good to read your entries again btw..

7:14 AM  
Blogger Malaysian Tigress said...

Yeah,

I know all about that sobbing woman. And I know all about those who roll their eyes everytime i call them to sob also! (you evil man...hehehe)

Hurts bad the first time..and no, sometimes they get more attached to the second, because she is such a conniving bitch and you aren't one.

After all the drama, the kids come first and nak tak nak...stuck, stuck, stuck (wonder if guts are rentable?)

Yeah Zawi, mine said that too...

Braised lamb is SIMPLE? where's your house? I'm coming over!

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha ha ha...being the middle person is never good. Hantu pun suka attack orang in the middle jugak :)

-ms.lambchop-

1:45 PM  
Blogger AUNTIDA said...

Mintak lalu, Mr Bergen,

Ms Lambchop, if you are the Ms Lamby i know, you being our middle person was a blessing. Of course, you still got haunted by the hantus, but never-the-mind, coz we love citer hantu (walaupun lepas tu takut nak masuk bilik ayor).

-pompuan sub-plot-

PS1: If you are not Ms Lamby I know, I apologies, and good luck with your ghostbusting.

PS2: thank you, Mr bergen, for sub-plot space.

9:27 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Ina: Yes, ma'am, feel free to link up.

Desert Rose: You know better, ma'am.

Anonymous 7:14: The decision is yours, ma'am.

Malaysian Tigress: One thing for sure, I don't live close to Bukit Antarabangsa

Ms Lambchop: LOL, hantu suka attack the guy in the middle? Heard this long time ago - thanks for reminding. he he

Auntida: You and Ms Lambchop know each other?

10:46 PM  
Blogger AUNTIDA said...

Mr Bergen, I have a sneaking feeling that Ms Lambchop (or Lamby, affectionately) is a person close to me. I haven't asked her coz we haven't been getting together the past week or so due to work commitments. The 'lamb' and 'hantu' are dead giveaways coz they explain pretty much of her life.

But as I say, if I got the wrong person, i do apologise to the real Ms Lambchop.

9:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tumpang lalu tuan blog....
He he he.....Auntida, dalam blog pung mu tetap tahu ku -thru discourse analysis lagi...he he he......

Mr Bergen - yes, we do know each other - me and Auntida - to the deepest bone...he he he.....and I am indeed the middle person for a major part of her life - hantu, lamb or otherwise...he he he....errr...hantu never attack me because I always make sure Auntida sleep in the middle.....:)

-ms.lambchop-

11:38 AM  
Blogger amoi said...

takotnyeee nak kawennn...huhu...

11:39 PM  

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