Sunday, August 26, 2007

Candle In The Wind.

Uploaded by Bergen.

I've got it all figured out.
How could I have been so blind not to see that money can be made easy these days selling candles. Take a look around you. People need candles for every occasion you can think of. Someone got arrested by the government, and the next thing you know people are going to organize some kind of vigil for him or her, holding a candle, either at a padang, or some place safe, in fact anywhere far from the prison where the guy is being held. On a good day like this you could make quite a bit of profit. If you are smart, just talk to the candle manufacturer to make it burn faster so people will need to buy at least 100 candles per person for a vigil ceremony which could last for as short as 5 minutes or as long as 5 hours...depending on how fast the FRU knows about it. The trick is, the longer the vigil, the more candles they've gotta buy, and the more money you can make. I'm gonna give a couple of guys I know around town a call to see if I can pull this deal off before words get around and everyone would want to jump in into this business. You know how it is with Malaysian herd mentality. One shock in the subprime market in the U.S and people start to sell like no body's business.

Now, here's a couple of occasions I can think of where people would need candles.
1.The formation of some kind of club or movement to protest against the government.

2.AIDS ceremony where people just love to burn candles as if the whole thing can give 'em some kind of inner peace. Good for them if this is so, and it'd good for me, should I decide to become one hotshot, big time candle supplier, that is.

3. The arrest of bloggers who write things the government doesn't like to read. People would need candles as a means to show their support for the bloggers and also as a show of defiance against the government's action. I don't know about you but I find candles a little feminine to go about to register your anger but hey, I just supply candles and I shouldn't meddle in this macho or feminine question.

4. I don't know much about Christianity, but I have the impression they need a lot of candles. I gotta find out more about this. After all, it wouldn't kill me to know more about my market, like why they burn the candles and stuff like that. Of course, I can come up with super-burn candles where it can burn faster than you can blink your eye.
5. Besides candles, I also need to diversify into supplying ribbons, or armbands. People need this to protest against something that bother them a great deal.

6. Maybe I should also supply caps, t-shirts and shoes that bling bling in the dark. I gotta spend a bit of money on R&D for this but for now, I'm gonna give everything I've got on candles, at least before I go back to school. After all, I need money to pay for my iMac. And Big Mac. And Whoppers. And Quarter Pounders. Of course, with the new iMac, I can quickly pick up Illustrator CS3, Photoshop, In-Design, iLife and all the softwares, to produce things like posters, banners, brochures, flyers, video clips, promos and stuff like that. A little candle in the wind could be a windfall if I play this right. All I gotta do now is hope for a couple of anti-government bloggers to be arrested so I can start this candle business in a big way.

26 Comments:

Blogger tokasid said...

Salam Bergen:

I'm smiling. You never fail to amaze us with your subtle cynical writings.
Several birds got the hit from a single stone from your 'lastik kayu jambu'.

Yes you should talk to candle makers fast, for Hari raya and Divali is around the corner.With price of kerosene up to RM 9/= for a gallon, candles are go alternative to the 'pelita minyak'.

After that it'll be Christmas...more candles and then New Year Eve. More candles. In February, its CNY time. That is big candle money for you.

Quick! Call the makers now. You need fast burning candles and a big one too( more expensive lah!).

Happy candling.

11:10 AM  
Blogger Raden Galoh said...

Bergen Sir...I smile reading your entry today...yup so, so cynical yet I find it truthfully factual though... but are you really thinking of becoming a candle supplier...coz I need you as the electricity supply to my house is often 'disturbed' tak taulah some said megasteel 'curi' power dari kg we all...iye ke? blh percaya ke?

anyway..take care.

2:36 PM  
Anonymous Tigress said...

Hi there,

Absolutely brilliant! And since u're at it, why not make them multi-wicked (three wicks above, so they burn faster), throw in a couple of drops of minyak kapak (hey... aromatherapy soothing too... u can't go wrong with that), and maybe, just a touch of safety, yuhoo glue (is that how u spell it?) them on flat pebbles, so people can use them right away, without burning their hands...! Whoohoo! I can hear the kachings! Uhmm... maybe I can supply the flat pebbles to you? No?

3:10 PM  
Blogger boxxTomoi said...

Sir, when you finished with your R&D,
This is how you should market it: Multi-level marketing (MLM)...
I'll be your first member!


Saya pun nak iMac juga !

5:50 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Tokasid: Looks like it's a candle world after all, eh doc? That's a nice phrase, happy candling. LOL.

Raden Galoh: I can sambung-sambung karen tapi you must be prepared for short-circuit. LOL.

Tigress: Good idea you've got there. Can you arrange for the delivery of 5,000 pieces of 4 cm diameter stones next week?

Boxxtomoi: LOL, I like that MLM idea although I'm not sure if I can pull it off. I reckon you need to be a speaker, or a performer to convince people to join in. Maybe I should call it Candleway, your light to wealth and health. LOL.

Thank you for coming in, people. You have a nice day now, y'hear? And happy Merdeka. Don't go carrying over-sized bendera around town as if it's going out of style. I'm off to a country where the national dish is Mousaka. LOL.

10:07 PM  
Blogger IBU said...

I'd rather light the candle than complain about the darkness.

But then again, these days we can simply use the cellphone backlight to 'enlighten'. TNB pun suka - sbb pakai banyak karan to re-charge battery later after the 'lights' are back on.

Hehehh!! :D

2:02 AM  
Blogger ailin...in aalborg said...

Need a supplier? Candles are the national gift of Denmark. Don't come home without it!

5:26 AM  
Blogger Fauziah Ismail said...

Salam Bergen
I like this posting very much, as much as the candles and candle holders I have amassed through my travels.
Have a great week/weekend ahead!

p/s You're going to be in Greece?

6:07 AM  
Anonymous elviza said...

Abg Bergen,

Berat doh mung nih... nok jual liling pulok doh...

8:40 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Ibu: LOL, everything's about business, opportunities, market, and re-sell, re-sell, re-sell. That's how people make money these days.

Ailin: Candle-making goes back a long way in time. I once saw the program on National Geographic but I'm not ashamed to admit that I learnt nothing from it. I wasn't paying attention. Hmm..

Fauziah Ismail: Yes, ma'am. Big fire going on there. Gotta to study the behaviour, wind pattern, humidity, safety equipment, response system and stuff like that. Let's hope we won't have that kinda fire here. Ever. It's not a pretty sight having to deal with fire.

Elviza: LOL, you should know better, those from the East Coast mana boleh duduk diang dok nniaga. LOL.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Monster Mom said...

Cool la...

Hey, maybe u could approach mr rocky, the president of all-blogs? Sure byk dia nak order from u...
considering all those ideas that they have against somebody in the gov? i suppose so....

11:37 AM  
Blogger tigress said...

Righteo Mr..

Yr 5000 pieces of stones cut to dimension r ready n packed, way before ETA.(Had to redah the whole of Sungai Ulu Langat to steal stones... Aisay.. Shhh!Trade Secret!)

Anyway, I expect Cash on Delivery. And since u're up gallivanting in Mousaka-eating country, Ibiza style or Brokeback Mountain style... how la to do business??

Happy Merdeka. U hv a gd one too.

3:38 PM  
Blogger Nak Tak Nak said...

The last weekend of july every year isw st annes feast in Bukit Mertajam. At least 100K people will throng the old St Annes Church and 99% of them buy and burn candles. Yhere are also people going around to collect the burnt wax. I use to live a stone's thrfow away and would join in the procession just for the fun of it. You should start your business here. I can help.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Mior Azhar said...

Bergen,
jgn lupa orang kahwin. Especially nowadays the pelamins are using various variety of candles...
Good funny entry... he he

5:46 PM  
Anonymous podgykat said...

Had a nice time reading this piece!Besides the moussaka, please also eat some baklava for me when you are in Greece!!Hope you are able to have a good time in between studying those fierce raging fires!Godspeed.

6:20 PM  
Blogger boxinabox said...

bila orang dah berumo gi sekolah semula... otak jadi macam maju.

10:01 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Monster Mom: Yup, nothing like a good cable connection to make it big in Malaysian business. Maybe you should direct-nego for me and earn a hefty commission. LOL.

Tigress: You are a resourceful person, aren't you? Sungai Langat? You what? LOL.

Nak Tak Nak: Whatever you do, you wanna have a firm grip of that market, sir. Make sure you secure it and make it your untouchable turf. Candle business is about to get big, and dirty. LOL.

Mior Azhar: Hmmm, that's another market but I haven't been to one where there's candles involved. Maybe all the weddings I've been to were day event. It's a good idea to make candles as part of an integral components in a wedding ceremony. LOL.

Podgykat: Yes, ma'am, will do. But the best baklava are in Syria.

Boxinabox: Thank you, there. Good to have you here.

Leaving on the early morning flight and I've had probably 5 liters of coffee since this morning. That's a bit of a lie. 5 liters?

11:56 PM  
Anonymous shawn said...

good morning mr bergen.

i think the best place to kickstart your candle business is in greece.

haha.

3:29 AM  
Blogger Theta said...

Hehe...another great witty piece, Sir Bergen.

If I may add, them ribbons and armbands are not only for protests but also for support - like AIDS awareness and breast cancer month, etc.

Think of all the possible spillover business prospects!

Greece? Lucky you!

4:18 AM  
Blogger Restless said...

hi .. remember me?

9:14 PM  
Blogger Pak Zabs said...

Salam Bergen,
You should also introduced the cheap and last longer type, and does easily tipped over when blown by the wind. This should be your contribution to the poor, who can't afford the high electricity bill or no electricity available yet in their area, yang dah 50 tahun merdeka ni.
Glad to know, semangat masih kuat untuk belajar lagi. What course is that you are enrolled in?
Dulu-dulu ada juga guna apple tapi lebih selesa dengan PC. Tapi mungkin dah ada iMac yang lebih baik sekarang, nak cuba-cuba tengok juga, bila ada kesempatan.

7:50 AM  
Blogger NJ said...

Bergen sir,

Your jotting never fail to tickle me :D Great/amusing entry as always.

11:10 PM  
Blogger mad redo1 said...

kelako sapa mad redo1 guling bating atah lata... gi jalang tepak hercules tu jangang sapa tebako doh lah... hehehe... selamak gi salamak balik...

1:38 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Shawn: LOL, not here. I gotta feeling the Greeks are not too keen anything that can remind them of the fire.

Theta: Yup, can you can help design them, or supply the material. You've got the brain I've got the iMac, let's make lots of money. LOL.

Restless: Yes, I do. You used to run a blog entitled Jejarihalus. Right?

Pak Zabs: Lemme make big money first and then I'll figure what to do how to help the poor. LOL, now don't go calling me names about being a capitalistic opportunitist or some big words I don't understand. LOL. I'm gonna study Pengajian Al-Qur'an.

NJ: Thank you, ma'am.

Mad Redo1: Gguling bating kira orait, jangang gguling nyior. LOL.

Thank you for coming, people. I'm on the way home.

11:09 AM  
Blogger Restless said...

Sure do. I'm back with loads to smile.

7:49 PM  
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