I'll Take My Chance.

At this age it is just pointless to go look for someone I might be interested in, not when I've found what I've been looking for. Besides, I don't know where to look. My world doesn't include meeting women on daily basis. It's different if I've got a day time job in a large office building where the possibility of meeting someone in the elevator going up to my floor is as high as eight to ten. The fact is, this isn't the 60s where I can put on a nice shirt and a nice pair of pants with matching shoes to go look for women at panggung wayang, whistling at them from my Raleigh bicycle. I can still do that, at the risk of being arrested for sexual harassment in public places. At my age, I don't think it is a wise thing to do. Unless of course I like the idea of being branded a dirty old man.

Which is why I'd rather stay home to watch TVs. Or clean the house for the third time already today. Wiping and mopping. Arranging and re-arranging. Sweeping and dusting. Surf the net for recipes. Trying them out, working out the timing and portioning. Figure out cooking methods. Pretending I'm running a restaurant taking orders. Imagining cooking for the family. And the children.

Yes, I am going to take my chance.

I am going to wait forever. Hoping that one day we'll be together. I am not hurt. I am doing alright. Moving on. As if nothing happened. Of course, that's a lie. I bleed inside but it doesn't really matter. Ain't nothing I haven't felt before. Maybe that's why I grew up the way I did. So that I can face moments like these like a man. Or like a child I used to be. Only this time I don't have Aunt and Grandma to hug. To feel that it is okay because as long as I've got Aunt and Grandma, I can face anything.

Just another day.

Thank you, friends. Thank you for your concern. Thank you very much.