Things We Don't Know.

Will my friend and her missus remain husband and wife next week now that she knows that her husband was at the apartment with a woman? I can only guess that she has probably all cried out and has figured out a way to move forward. With or without her husband.

The point is I apologised to her for not telling the truth the first time she called eventhough I somehow got the feeling she knew I was not being entirely honest about it. The way I figured, I can't make a decision based on what I presume will happen.

We can more or less predict that the missus will be very upset. Who wouldn't? Neither it is difficult to figure that my friend is probably pissed off to the brain with my decision to disclose what was supposed to be a secret between men. But this is not male bonding thing we're talking about here. It is higher than that. It involves whether or not my tongue will be chopped to three hundred pieces by the malaikat in charge of dealing with liars.

This is another possibility. Who knows by my telling the truth my friend will come to his senses and develop a new kind of loving for his missus, falling in love all over again. People got stronger after they've gone through a crisis.

The truth is, we don't know what will happen. They may end up filing for divorce. Or they may end up loving each other more. Or things may also remain unchanged that they will continue living as husband and wife. As far as they are concerned this is just another episode they'd rather not talk about since at the end of the day, no one ends up divorcing anyone.

The truth is we don't know what will happen. For this I believe, it is quite wrong for us to make a decision based on what we believe is going to happen. We have to deal with the situation as is. In real time. We can't make a decision based on what has happened, or what is going to happen. I don't know how to make it any more clear than this. Maybe this example would suffice:

You are hungry now. And so you eat. You can't be thinking, if I eat now I might get fat tomorrow. Or if I eat now, I might get stomach pain just like I had one yesterday.

In my limited capacity as a non-scholarly person, I believe the example above should do just fine.

Actually this is not entirely my original line of thinking. I didn't develop this perception of truth that has influenced my decision to spill the beans on my friend.

If you must know, this is the same line of thinking employed by George W. Bush in his foreign policy on Iraq. You must be aware that his popularity has dipped to an all-time low now that the truth about WMD was more or less a joke that didn't turn out the way they figured it would. He said something during an interview with a journalist on TV that made a lot of sense to me. I can't recall verbatim what he said but it goes something like this:

'...you can't make a decision based on yesterday's poll...you gotta make a decision based on today...history will prove that I am right...'

Now, that, to me is a leader talking. A brave man. He probably knows he's wrong. And he knows for sure a lot of people think he is not a smart person to be in charge of U.S.A but he believes in what he is doing. He sticks to his decision. He takes charge. And not afraid to face the consequences come what may.

I've met a lot of foremen who are like that. They are generally a pain in the neck but when it comes to taking a chance, or making a decision, they will be up there the first in line to stick their neck out. Every drilling team needs a foreman like that. A foreman who isn't afraid to make a decision as and when the situation requires them to do something within a split of a second. People can talk about it later that he made a wrong decision but we know those who talk as if they know everything won't know what to do under the same circumstances. It is the same thing with people in other professions who have to make split-second decision in performing their work. People like brain surgeon, chef, fire chief, police officers. These are people who have to make a decision in real time. Maybe they know the consequences or what will happen but they don't know that for sure. All they know is a decision is needed now. And they gotta decide. They can't remain indecisive. The clock is ticking. That's why only a few percentage of the population on earth are lucky enough to do this. The great majority of us don't have to do it. All we have to do is live with that decision. And complain. And yak yak yak until the cows come home and go out to the field again to graze. Same thing with Abdullah Badawi when he got to make a decision to call off the bridge project. History will tell whether he's right. Or wrong. Even if he's wrong, it is his decision and he has to live with it. We can make fun of it. That's because whe didn't have to make that call. Political Science can analyze all it wants. People can talk about it in restrospect, sounding intellectual and academic. But a decision is a decision. In most cases we don't have that much time to analyze the factors before we arrive at the final analysis.

It is the same situation here. I got to make a decision based on real-time i.e when Desparate Housewife called the second time to ask for her husband. It may not be a split-second decision that I had to make but the sense of time and urgency of the matter is more or less the same. The consequences, I believe, is equally damaging. For example, my friend and I may end up not talking to each other for years. He might divorce his missus. But I can't think of all this. These are things we don't know.

And they don't matter.


Dear Friends:

I thank everyone for participating in this short discourse on a married life of someone you don't know. He may be a stranger to you but trust me, he is not a bad guy. No one is in this issue. This is not about good guys vs bad guys. I may have potrayed him as a bad guy in my entry but this is unintentional. I mean it is easy to label someone a bad guy just because he wishes to marry another one. He may be out gallivanting with the woman he is going to marry but this doesn't mean he is an irresponsible person.

I am not his defence lawyer so please don't get the impression I am trying to re-paint him as an angel after what I've written about him. The whole issue is not about him. It's about me. It's about whether it is wrong, or right, to tell the truth or to lie given the circumstances I was in.

This may happen to you one day. Or to some, it has happened to them and I thank them for sharing this so we can all learn a thing or two from these experiences. It is good that we can talk about it and remain faceless. That way we can be honest without sacrificing anything that can land us in trouble, or regret, later.

This has been quite a difficult entry to write. But it has to be written nonetheless since I can't be talking about this to any barman, or to a nail specialist who can shape my nails into cartoon characters.

Through it all, it has been an enlightening experience.

Thank you, friends.

P.s This could be a wrong decision. But it is nonetheless a decision and I have to live with it come what may.