Monday, April 10, 2006

Expiry Date.

He wasn't very happy when I said next time his missus call to ask where he is, I'm going to tell the truth. The whole truth because everything comes with expiry date, including the lie I told the missus. This way I hope to take this load off my chest and get on with my life. It may not be much of a life, reclusive even, but it's the only life I've got at the moment and I plan to enjoy every minute of it instead of spending sleepless nights thinking of other people's marital problem.

Give me a few days, okay?
You've got until Friday, man. If your missus call me to ask about you, I ain't lying to her no more. I gotta tell her the truth. I am going to ask her forgiveness for not telling her the truth about you being in the house with the woman you plan on marrying. You can't do this to me. It is my right to tell the truth, and it is wrong to tell a lie, or hide the truth eventhough this may ruin your marriage. I don't plan on making telling a lie as a career option, man. You got it? How would you like it if someone lie to you about something you believe it is your right to know? You would be hurt too, right? Besides, I ain't doing anything wrong. I am going to tell the truth. And that to me is the right thing to do. It is better to deal with the truth than to go live on lies. And if you ask me, man, you should tell her that you plan to marry another one. Be a man. Take charge of the situation.

And he slammed down the phone. I know. I heard the click that sounded like that.

No, I don't feel bad for losing a friend. Losing something has never made me sad. I learned early that life is about losing things you love. The minute you are born, you start to lose something. You lose the security of being in a womb. I don't remember much about being in a womb, do you? And you lose something, one by one, as you go on living. In the end you lose Grandma. And then Aunt. And then Cousin. You lose friends. Either they die of bad liver, or a fire accident. You see their bodies burnt and black, and smell the burning flesh, carried on a stretcher in the middle of a storm, rain lashing on them as if to wash away all the bad things they've done in their life time. In the end you lose something. Everything.

At midnite tonight the lie I told the missus will expire. I won't make the first move to call her but if she calls, I am going to tell the truth. She will cry. I may have to listen to a woman crying over this. I have listened Aunt cried and so a woman crying isn't a big deal to me no more. At least she's got the children.

And as to my friend, if you happen to read this, I mean if you decide to become a blogger, that is. I don't have to protect anyone by lying. I have the right to tell the truth. And it is wrong to tell a lie.

In my book, to tell the truth is macho. And it's the right thing to do. It's manly. Brave. It means something big. It simply means you are willing to face the consequences. People die for telling the truth. To lose a friend for telling the truth, to me, is a small price to pay.

Besides, since when has it become an offence to tell the truth? Don't you know that truth will never go out of style?


Blogger Desparil said...

a real friend won't put you in that kind of predicament..

12:13 PM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

Not to worry, I am still your friend if you care to think that I am one to you.

I would rather be told the truth and be hurt and enable me to think and plan ahead, rather than my hubby play "kayu tiga" behind my back and I got hurt for being lied upon as well.

Your so called friend shouldn't have done this to you or to anyone for that matter.

12:26 PM  
Blogger MA said...

Your friend is JEALOUS of you for having a better conscience that he could ever have.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Mama Rock said...

you are doing the right thing man, no worries!

2:03 PM  
Blogger Adah said...

Bergen rocks!

2:37 PM  
Blogger Nazrah said...

don't you worry, me dear lad.
you only think you are losing a friend bcuz suddenly things don't fit so right(perhaps it was a sloppy fit to begin with). the connection will not dissolve. whether his future includes you or not(and yours him), that's a different story. how and when, that's not ours to glad u got in touch with that little voice inside of you, and listened to it.

3:18 PM  
Blogger pu1pu3 said...

You are now desperate to tell the desperate housewife the desperating truth. Watch the phone, hear it rings and TELL HER!
Trust your conscience. I feel for her. All worried abt the hubby. & the kids missing their daddy that's out rendezvous-ing with a future no 2.

3:21 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

go for it bergen!

3:26 PM  
Blogger A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

good luck to you. and let's hope the woman is ready to hear the truth.

3:37 PM  
Blogger anggerik merah said...

Berg, I am glad to hear your decision. Yes, that is what it should be. Free up the worrying soul of not telling the truth earlier.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Moon® said...

Hi Bergen, first time drop by... well you should tell the truth. Pity the desperate housewife.

5:59 PM  
Blogger Sayuti said...

i learned from someone that lying is allowed (in Islam) under three circumstances:
1. in war - strategy or to avoid war.
2. in marriage. to avoid conflict and divorce.
3. (i forgot, sorry)

but,i've not read your previous entries yet, therefore i'm still not sure about the real situation here. forgive me if i made an incorrect remark here.

6:03 PM  
Blogger maklang said...

I think you know best what should be done and may Allah guide you always...., InsyaAllah

7:49 PM  
Blogger Liza said...


8:54 PM  
Blogger torts said...

you don't need that kind of 'friend'. you're the man!

9:09 PM  
Blogger NBB said...

just do it.

(eh eh..macam iklan kasut pulak...)

10:05 PM  
Blogger Ms.B said...

That friend of yours was an arse to put you in a spot like that, and expect loyalties when you're the one whose butt is on fire. I'm all for loyalties and solidarity between friends, and I for one would lie through my teeth to save a friend, but only because I truly believed his/her noble intentions, or the set up in which they were in. In this case, the whole approach by this "friend" seemed more calculated and conniving than noble.

12:05 AM  
Blogger aalborg said...

Sometimes, breaking a lady's heart is a very hard thing to do. How will she take it? What will she do to her kids upon hearing this piece of news?

12:49 AM  
Blogger demonsinme said...


Can a person be call a friend when he ask a friend to lie?

1:34 AM  
Blogger Em said...

Ola B

Its not realli a loss if you lose someone like that..

6:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Good move... and u are NOT actually losing a friend... a "friend" would have respected your thoughts on the matter... and your decision on NOT to lie.

I am so proud of ya.

Indeed, it takes a MAN to tell the truth.


9:35 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Desparil: I believe he didn't mean to put in this predicament but sometimes, we don't have a choice. I can understand what he did. Really, no hard feelings.

AuntyN: You will always be a friend, ma'am.

Mak Andeh: It's love, ma'am. People do all kinds of things when they are in love. I can understand it.

Mama Rock: Yup, I'm doing the right thing, ma'am. And that's all that matters. Do the right thing.

Adah: Yes, I love rock music a great deal. LOL.

Nazrah: I haven't been called a 'lad' for a long time. LOL. That word reminds me of someone. You made me day, marm.

Pu1Pu3: I believe DH will find away to break it to the children. They'll be alright.

Anedra: I'm gone.

Xaviera: I believe it is better to deal with the truth that to live with lies and deceits. Truth toughens people up. Lies will weaken you to limp. I know.

Anggerik Merah: Yes, ma'am. That's what I'm gonna do.

Moon: Thank you for visiting, ma'am. I believe you are from Kentucky, the bourbon country. And fried chicken.

Sayuti: I have to take this up as an entry to understand it better.

Maklang: Truth will never go out of style. It can put you into trouble but it's worth it. That is my motto, ma'am.

Liza: :)

Torts: I believe he had to do what he had to do, ma'am. People in love will do all kinds of things. Including hurt a friend, but I understand. He'll see things better when all this is over.

Dr Nurul Bahiyah Baharudin: They used to make good shoes, ma'am. But I can't afford them now. Being jobless and all.

Blabs: At the moment the women he plans to marry is everything, ma'am. A man will do anything for a man he is passionately in love with. But it'll pass when she no longer becomes the object of prime desire. When that happens, he'll look me up to say sorry. That's what friendship is all about. Your readiness to take your friend back no matter what he has done to you.

Ailin: I gotta to let her know, ma'am. No way I'm keeping this in me.

DIM: Well, sir, when you are in love you'd be willing to push the limit of friendship in the name of the person you love.

EM: It's not a total loss, ma'am.

Aida: Yes, ma'am. You need courage to tell the truth, to speak up, and face the consequences. This world is what it is because someone somewhere is brave enough to tell the truth.

To everyone who came in, thank you very much. Have a nice day,y'all.

10:41 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Queen Of The House said...

I'm trying to put myself in that desparate housewife's shoes ...... it is too painful. I hope she takes it well (if I have a choice, I would rather strangle the husband's neck).

1:19 PM  
Blogger Restless said...

Well, big guy, d whatever you think is correct coz in the end of the day, it's YOU you have to please. Not the friend, not the missus and definitely not the Desperate Housewife. Let little be it us the readers.

Heck, that's what I'm doing in my blog; writing what I want to write despite it may sound offensive or provocative to others.

So, cheers to good instinctive self - let the self rule!

1:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Asalamualaikum Bergen:

I wrote an earlier comment without reading this entry. It is ok let him be upset with you - you do not need to associate with such a person. If his wife called, tell her that her husband was upset with you -and that you had advised him to call her. Apologize to her and said to her that you do not want to be the in between and please tell her "do not shot the Messenger". Tell her that you are sorry that you could not tell her more and I would even suggest to her to report to the police about him being a missing person and put his picture in the newspaper or TV. A jerk like that deserve it. No, you do not need to tell her about the affairs, it is not your business, it is his and hers and if he knows how to pasang 2, 3 or 4, he knows how to get himself out of the situation.
Again you do not need to associate with such a person, you've advise him etc. there is not much you can do except dooa to Allah to forgive you and protect you from the evil pple like your friend. There are some people you want to associate with, there are some that it is best to leave them to tender their own problem.

You take care and I dooa to Allah to protect you with taufik and hidayah, and one of these days,bless you with a good Muslimah for a wife.


8:24 AM  

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