Petaling Jaya.

There are things about Petaling Jaya that you are not supposed to get it no matter how hard you try to figure it out. Like if you are driving from SS1 heading west towards SS2, try not to work the numbers because you won't find SS3, SS4, SS5 and so forth in a sequence like that. Right after SS2 is Section 14, a busy commercial zone I consider a serendipity because if this isn't it I don't know what is. I thought I had it all figured out until a friend told me that SS and Sections are two different concepts altogether. As different as A.R Tompel and Clint Eastwood.

Against this seemingly amusing system of zoning I decided it would be in my best interest to find a place to live where they number each zone according to the sequence that will make it easier for friends to come visit me based on a postal address.

Last night I needed to direct a friend from Damansara Toll Exit to my place. I wrote long time ago that it would be a big mistake to trust me to give directions. I can mix up your left and my left, your right and my right, the way I can mix up salad dressing with liquid detergent and not know the difference.

10.30 pm / 2230 hrs.
We are now at Damansara Toll Exit. How do we get to your place?

Okay. It's a simple drive from there to Damansara Perdana. Just follow the road until you come to a fly-over where there's a police station to your right. Keep going until you come to Taman Tun traffic light junction. Take left. Keep going. You will see One Utama on your left. Keep going until you see a huge Tesco directional sign. Keep going until you come to a fly-over. Take left to go up the hill. My apartment is on the left. Call me when you are in the neighbourhood. Okay?

10.50 pm / 2250 hrs.
You fellas should have been here by now. Where are you?
We are at SS3.

How did you get there?
Look, don't ask us any questions. Just get us out of here, will you?
Frankly, I don't know how to get you home, fellas. Do you have GPS?
No, we haven't bought it yet. Maybe you should have gotten us one.
Okay, relax, fellas. No need to get excited. It's not good for blood pressure. I'll bring you home.

I asked for familiar landmarks like a petrol station, or a tree that might look strange to them. They couldn't identify anything to help me guide them out of the area straight to the apartment. And so I asked again whether they see any shop that I might be familiar with. They mentioned something like Tea Pot or something to that effect which I said I had never heard a shop by that name. In the end I said why don't you fellas keep driving until you see somekind of civilisation and call me.

11.00 pm / 2200 hrs.
They were at Section 14.

Bergen, where are all the numbers between SS1 and SS2? We are now at Section 14. We didn't see SS3, 4, 5...
Look, this is PJ. Don't ask questions like that. It's close to midnite. You might get into trouble for asking a question like that.

I know my friends were hungry. Tired. They needed a shower. It had been a long drive from Penang in a rented car. Too bad my postal address isn't as simple as; 1605 Washtenaw and 4th. But what to do. This is PJ. I quickly turned on my PC to login Google Earth hoping the satellite would pick up three male Caucasians in a car somewhere in Section 14 PJ.

In the end I told them to stay put. I'll go over with a rescue vehicle to retrieve them from the battle zone. By the time we got home it was pretty late but being a host, I figured it was my responsibility to serve them a hot meal. I started cooking around 12.30 am. A simple fish dinner with lemon butter sauce and pasta which didn't turn out quite good. I blamed it on something about PJ that I still haven't quite get it.