Friday, April 28, 2006

Mother's Day Special.



Dear Mommy

Maybe I should call you different but I grew up imagining calling you Mommy because that's what everyone calls their mom. Grandma never talked all that much about you. I asked Aunt a few times but she didn't tell me nothing so I stopped asking since.

I am old enough to understand things. You gotta know I am not angry with you. Don't even know why I should be angry with you anyway. I never saw you. And you never knew me. So we are about equal.

I called Aunt mommy all my life until one day someone told me she wasn't my mommy but I kept calling her mommy because she was all I got and she took care of me real good. She taught me men don't cry. And I've made myself real strong never to cry for anything. People at school can beat me up good but you can ask my friends and they'll tell you I don't cry easy.

I looked after Grandma and Aunt and Cousin real good. Maybe you don't know but they are all gone now. And the house I grew up in Dungun is empty now. Don't know what to do with it. Maybe I go live there in my old age, and I won't bother no one. You are welcome to go there and you can have it if you want. I can give it to you and Daddy. I never met him either. Grandma told me he was a naval officer. Is that right? He must be a good looking guy in a uniform. Aunt say don't you never join no army and so I said, yes Mommy.

I wrote a lot of letters to you. But I never knew where to post them. I kept them in a shoe box until Aunt found out about it one day. She read every one of them. At night she came to my bed to hug me. She cried. I don't know why because I had done crying. I felt her tears in the back of my pyjama. In the morning I found her next to me holding me as if I was an infant. But I was no infant I was already in primary school.

Really, maybe it's because I live alone now that I think about you. And maybe because Mother's Day is coming. It doesn't mean anything to me but this year I think it does mean something to me. Maybe not in the real way a real family celebrate it but I reckon it is nice to celebrate something for someone so special like a mommy.

I thought I'd get something for you but I don't know where you are. Or how to get it to you. Anyway, I just like to wish you Happy Mother's Day since everyone in the world is wishing their mother the same thing. I ain't got one but that doesn't mean I can't wish the same thing to you, right? I can't wish Aunt the same thing now that I know she wasn't my real mother although in very sense of the word, she is to me. And she still is. I hope you don't mind about this.

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy, wherever you are. Or whoever you are.

Your son.

p.s Grandma, Aunt and Cousin raised me good. I thought you'd be proud of me and I really think you should thank them. They are gone but that doesn't mean you can't thank them, right?

53 Comments:

Blogger thinktankgal said...

This is soo touching and sweet Bergen..Thank you for reminding me on Mom's Day :)

12:13 PM  
Blogger A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

thought i wanted to quit coming in here for the time being but i'm glad i accidentally stumbled while hopping.

12:22 PM  
Blogger Nobee said...

Bro, i'm pretty sure you turned out fine n mom would have been so proud of her lil kid :)

1:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sedih!

*Milah-got-no-blog*

1:16 PM  
Blogger Noni said...

I think Grandma, Aunt and Cousin did a wonderful job with u and I would like to thank them even if nobody else would.

1:39 PM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

If I were your Mom, I would be very proud of you as a son.

Grandma and Aunt raised you well, as any good mothers would do. Aunt didn't even tell you, that she wasn't your mommy.

I am a mommy who has no son. :-(

1:54 PM  
Blogger Mama Rock said...

bergen...i dont know what to say, but I'm pretty sure any mom would be proud of having you as a son.

2:09 PM  
Blogger anggerik merah said...

I am nearly break to tears reading this one. I used to tell my son that man don't cry. For a while I came to realise that I was wrong. Nowdays, whenever he is full of emotion, I ask him to cry our loud. Don't hold emotion. Then he would felt better.

I believe yr mommy will feel what you write to her!

Have a nice weekend Sir Berg!

2:47 PM  
Blogger Sayuti said...

sir,
you almost make me cry with this entry.

men do have to cry sometimes. the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) too, cried. like you, he never meet his mother and father in his lifetime.

and he is the greatest man ever alive.

cheers

2:59 PM  
Blogger Nekbat said...

a tear-jerker, this one. chances are she's thinking of you too, this mother's day.

3:16 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

happy mommy's day to bergen's mommies..Aunt, Grandma, Cousin and Mommy. You've done really well...am sure they would be extremely proud of you!

ps..any mom would melt with this entry.

3:28 PM  
Blogger tee said...

if u r somewhere in terengganu on mother's day, do drop by at my MIL's hse in Besut...there's gonna be a wedding reception of my SIL... jom. join the crowd...

3:49 PM  
Blogger maklang said...

yes...we can celebrate Mother's Day at Maklang's with Briyani Ayam...Happy Mothers' Day to all Mothers in the world...it will about 3 weeks from now kan..

4:41 PM  
Anonymous married with childern said...

Bergen dear,

I am crying..can"t imagine what would happen to me if i have no mommy and my real dad passed away when my mom was carrying me .i have a step-father and he is the most responsible father i ever known and i always pray that my husband and i will live long enough to take care of our children.. May Allah Bless You and Your Aunt, Grandma and your mother.

p/s I have a son but i never tell him not to cry becoz he's a boy..you can cry cos even Rasul cried.

married with children

5:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bergen,

I do not know how it feels to miss someone whom you've never met or known, but won't it be harder if u knew her or at least know about her and be wondering why she is not with u or vice versa. I would not know how u feel, but am sending motherly vibes over to you.

Aida - a mum

5:54 PM  
Blogger MA said...

I am a Mum - and I can bet you that she loved you. She loved you enough to carry you, when some would have done many things to ensure the termination of life - and I can almost imagine the love she felt for you in her womb.

And she loved you enough to ensure your welfare are well taken care of by the people that she knew would do the best job - when others would have chucked theirs in garbage dumps, in sewage ponds.


For some reasons of her own ( I am merely assuming here ) she felt that you would be having a better life with Aunt, Grandma and Cousin.

She was right, wasn't she ?

I am sure - wherever she is now - she would have loved a son like you.

You are loved - that you need to know.

Happy Mother's Day, Bergen's Mommy.

You have a fine son here.

7:12 PM  
Blogger marina said...

Though the entry sometimes felt like it was written by a young child, it managed to move a lot of people to tears, me included.

Perhaps it was the voice of the child in you talking there Bergen.

Whoever your Mommy is, i am certain she would be proud to be your mum.

Happy Mommy's Day to all mommies out there.

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Berg,

Whatever it is, your Aunt was a fine Mommy. Salute to her for raising you! I've a boy of 4 and I tell him that he can only cry FOR A REASON which PAIN! So if it pains your heart, you must cry...

imr

1:07 AM  
Blogger bunga rampai said...

Salam kenal Bergen :)

Mempersembahkan ungkapan-ungkapan indah untuk seorang ibu yang tidak pernah dikenali, menampilkan empunya ungkapan seorang insan yang berjiwa mulia.

Doa saya moga Bergen dalam sejahtera selalu.

Selamat Hari Ibu.

1:15 AM  
Blogger Idham said...

Many wonderful things happened to me today, and one of them is to have stumbled into your 'shoe box'...
Bergen, a heart filled with love
is a heart who has received lots of love. Auntie has giVen u all ..and dearest Momie has chosen well!
I was touched to bits...and since I started blogging a mere one month back...this is the second time I cried. The first was when i was writing my own entry...and the tonite the second time reading ur heartbeats.

Love u man,
IdhaM.

4:48 AM  
Blogger ubisetela said...

Touching..you made me cry sir!

May the Almighty bless your Grandma, Aunt and Mommy... and all Mothers.

*gotta go call my Mak now*

7:40 AM  
Blogger Ms.B said...

I must humbly disagree with Anedra - you don't need to be a mommy to melt with this entry. :)

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Asalamualaikum Bergen:
Sorry to hear that you never know your biological mother? Do you ever made an attempt to find her? Or do you want to find her? My parents passed away when I was young, I still remember them even after 20 years and I missed them a lot. So if you think she is still alive, I want to encourage you to find her. I am sure she will appreciate it because I know I do if I was your mother. Good Luck.
Salam.

11:47 AM  
Anonymous cyberdad said...

*present*

and touched.

11:51 AM  
Blogger Restless said...

that's sweet!

3:14 PM  
Blogger RedKebaya said...

our relationship with our moms are sometimes wrought with undercurrents, and not as
simple as we'd like to think. love, hate... it fluctuates so easily when there're strong emotions involved and we do seem to hurt the ones we love the most. but never doubt that the love IS there. whoever or wherever she might be, in her own way, your mom loves you bergen.

8:41 PM  
Blogger Em said...

Ola

True true...I agree

9:10 PM  
Blogger UglyButAdorable said...

must learn to appreciate my mom more though she can sometime be bit too much...
berg, i do not know what is like not to have a mother and being a mother to a child yet. but i can definately feel you bro..and I strongly believe that your aunty deserve that happy mother's day wish from you whether or not she's your birth monther. there's a mother in every woman..therefore each and everyone of us woman deserve to celebrate this day.

11:05 PM  
Blogger Mama Sarah said...

How are you Bergen? I've noticed that you haven't replied to any of the 28 comments left here.

Not that I think you are not being courteous, but somehow I feel you are too sad to reply.

Anyway, I'm not good with words like the other readers here, but I really hope that you are ok.

9:24 PM  
Blogger simah said...

salam perkenalan..

that is one hell of a cry of the heart..!! very touching indeed..

2:37 PM  
Blogger Leen Ash Burn said...

awwww, Berg.

*sniffs*

9:57 AM  
Anonymous hemu2 said...

just like being hit by a feather but felt like a punch by a boxer....very touching indeed Bergen

to all the moms out there, may your love never dries up like an everlasting well

11:42 AM  
Blogger Arena said...

..sobs..

5:54 PM  
Blogger NBB said...

syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu. doa anak yang saleh untuk ibunya, walau di dunia mana ibunya berada...

11:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

enough to remember the arduous task of carrying us for 9 whole months..and giving birth to us...enough to be eternally grateful to them...
every day is a mother's day to me..

nef

3:38 PM  
Blogger Nour said...

Awwww...such a sweet entry. I miss my mom already.

10:36 AM  
Blogger EdRyNA said...

I'm touched....

Hope you r fine...take care ..

11:03 AM  
Blogger sya said...

The para where "I felt her tears in the back of my pyjama.". I feel like Arif (my youngest) talking to me.

Happy mother's day to yr grandma, auntie and yr mommy too... and all mothers all over the world.. and to my Arwah Mak and Ngah

5:18 PM  
Blogger thinkertink said...

I thank your aunt, grandma and cousin for doing such a fine job. I thank you for remembering your real mom. Please continue to pray for her and please forgive her. She needs it.

10:05 AM  
Blogger Moon® said...

Very touched & almost cry, I’m sure your mom very proud to have son like you & keep prying for her . Your grandma, auntie & cousin have donea great job raised u up. Happy mother’s day to all mother’s

4:10 PM  
Anonymous momof3 said...

Came across your blog by pure chance, makes for a good read any day!This posting moved me to tears. I can identify with your longing for your biological mom; though it's my dad I miss in my life, all the time. The circumstances are different because he and a number of his colleagues were taken hostage from their workplace and were killed by rebels. I was a mere toddler and my mom was pregnant with my youngest brother (the 5th child)! Many times over the years, though I'm now a mom myself, I still cry out for the dad I wished I'd had;especially during trying times. Find your mom if you can, if not, take comfort that in your lifetime you were loved by 3 very wonderful women! God bless you. (I'm sorry for the long comment, seeing that this is not my blog and all!) :)

6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your entry made me cry. It was so poignant. Your birth mommy should be proud of you.

9:49 AM  
Blogger torts said...

so sad..

4:07 PM  
Blogger UglyButAdorable said...

berg..why the long silent??

11:17 AM  
Blogger muslihah said...

It really a touching story.Just remember one thing that you are in this world because if your mam and daddy.The relation between son and parents will always be there even though you never meet them.

May be there's a story behind what is happening that you just do no know.Always pray to Allah so that both your parents in good health and may be one day Allah will give them a way to meet you.

Never give hopes.Wish you all the best

7:59 AM  
Blogger anggerik merah said...

sir berg, are u ok there???

1:28 AM  
Blogger Liza said...

Bergen,

A big hug for you :)

Are you back working again? Have to admit that I am curious to know the reason of your silence. Anyways, I am adding you to my link. Need your permission. Let me know, okay. And all the best to you. Take care...

11:53 PM  
Blogger maklang said...

Kat platform no connection ah????

1:48 PM  
Blogger dee3 said...

so quiet... for so long?

5:01 PM  
Anonymous edryna said...

where r u berg??? r u ok???
hope to hear from you soon..

5:21 PM  
Blogger Count Byron said...

Profound. Touches my Daddy-instincts.

6:49 AM  
Blogger Nong said...

Salam, I'm so touched...

11:31 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

To everyone who came in. And to everyone who left a comment...

thank you, friends.

1:45 PM  

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