Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Room For Rent.

No I am not going to rent out Aunt Su's room. Besides I don't think I will ever get used to the idea of sharing this apartment with anyone now that I've got the kitchen customised to fit my working style, and no way I will ever ever get used to the idea of someone sharing my collection of knives, and everything else in this kitchen.

Aunt Su hasn't left but already I'm feeling all empty inside, unlike when she was in Penang, and I made the trip driving all the way to Penang to see her, my heart full of anticipation to watch her face radiant with the glow bright as the morning sun when I brought out a crate of Pepsi, biscuits, fruits, minyak angin, batik sarung, socks, and nice shawls with nice lace works.

How different it has been. Since staying together she doesn't seem all that happy with things I buy for her, except maybe when I take her out for our weekly trip to Tesco to buy groceries. She'd talk and talk about everything she sees, laughing and giggling like a little girl on her first trip to Barbie Land or something.

At the moment I don't think it is a good idea to mention about Mykad, Southern Thailand or that long lost relative of hers because I think she is past over this issue. All that's in her mind right now is to meet up as many people her age as possible so she can feel comfortable. I want her to be happy, and if this means a world to her then I will do everything I can to make it happen. I'm only sorry for taking her out of the institution in the first place without thinking, or stop for a moment to see that it isn't easy to change the lifestyle of someone who had been conditioned to live under stricte schedules and routines of an institution like the old folks' home. This is the core of the problem. It's not that she doesn't like me. It's the sense of independence that she isn't comfortable with. It's new to her and she doesn't know how to deal with it. She feels loss.

I can work out a schedule right down to toilet time, but I don't think this is a good idea. I wouldn't want to live in a place like that because this is not a rig where there are rules for everything including smoko zones. I work hard to make this place we can call home. I'm through putting up in places that I can't have a permanent address, or a fixed line phone with your own registered number. It feels good. It makes you feel you belong to something. You feel you've got both feet on the ground, and not floating on some offshore rig out in some ocean where a real postman can't reach you.

Whatever it is, Aunt Su, I am happy for you. And I hope you will be happy because all I want is for you to be happy, with or without me. But just in case you feel lonely at night thinking of me, please remember that I will always think of you because I don't have anyone. And I am never too far away from you.

Thank you, Aunt Su. Thank you for giving me the chance to make you happy.

Good nite.


Blogger anggerik merah said...

Take care Bergen.

9:07 PM  
Blogger NBB said...

eh..tak takut ke tinggal sorang sorang?

9:34 PM  
Blogger Nurelhuda said...

Klik on warga emas from this url. This is the closest I can think of

Btw:It is not beyond you..your longing for love is the thirst for your SELF

10:39 PM  
Blogger Nurelhuda said...

Unless of course you dok karang untuk our entertainment;-)

10:41 PM  
Blogger torts said...

God works mysteriously.. hang on there.

Go find your liz taylor.

1:14 AM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

Was looking forward to having Pizza with Aunt Su and you one of these days. Is the invitation still open? :-)

9:14 AM  
Blogger thinktankgal said...

She is not that far away from you, you know...and I am sure she understands..Anyways, perhaps you can write a cook book now since you have a nice kitchen :) *Take care*!

10:55 AM  
Blogger A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

you can have my kitchen. (do i have a kitchen?)

11:14 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

Bergen, I was away for one day and i missed all this! I hope you're ok and I think it's good of you to be so understanding of Aunt Su on this.

We only live once Bergen and we ought to be happy. Go where yr happiness is.

Take care sir.

ps. I'd love to see this kitchen of yours. No, not asking for an invite to yr place. But a picture perhaps of the kitchen?

12:26 PM  
Blogger mommy@lif said...

en bergen, my dad just went back from pasir tumboh to check out the place there. u see, he's planning to go sekolah pondok (he's 67) , of which, i couldn't really understand why for he's having us anak menantu and cucus around. his decision is of course not subjected to my approval. but like torts said, god works mysteriously. maybe he's happier there, being able to beribadat all the time he wants. he's still around and already i see him in my dreams TWICE! i so feel for you.

12:34 PM  
Blogger LifeBloom said...

Berg: Rarely do I see a man thanking an elderly person for giving him a chance to take of her.

What can I say? You are OIAM...!

1:10 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Anggerik Merah: Thank you so much, ma'am.

Nurul Bahiyah Baharudin: I think the ghosts are afraid of me because I can be a pain in the neck with my careless attitude.

Dr Nurul: Thank you, ma'am.

Torts: Somewhere out there, someone is waiting for me to discover in a chance. And she's gonna be my Liz Taylor, ain't no doubt about it.

AuntyN: Yes, the invitation is good thru' December 2006 before I refresh it for another year. And it goes on and on until you find your way here.

Thinktankgal: That's too big for a me write, ma'am. I know how to scramble eggs and that's about as far as I can go with this kitchen.

ABWVLB: I'm sure you do, ma'am. Besides a kitchen can be anywhere, even by the river bank where you can have a cook-out.

Anedra: Thank you for you kind advice, ma'am. One of these days I will write an entry about the kitchen, with pictures and captions to make it really interesting. If I can find a way to write something interesting to write about it, that is.

Alif's Mommy: Where is Pasir Tumboh? Is your dad there on his own? Could you find out from him what are the kitabs he is studying? Different pondok has different curriculum.

Lifeblom: Making someone happy is a pleasure and I owe it to her for giving me that chance. It may not be much of a chance but it is a chance nonetheless.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Noni said...

Someone once told me that giving enriches the given but more so enriches the giver. The same goes with happiness methinks... and Maksu should be thanked for being a willing recipient.

2:51 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Noni: Whoever it was who said that was right. Imagine how you feel if no one wants to take from you something that you want to give.

3:53 PM  
Blogger RedKebaya said...

bergen - macamane beria2 kita commiserate & empathise ngan org tua2 ni, i dont think its the same with people their own age. its probly because they're going thru the same things kot... and the validation of their own peers for their aches & pains lessens the burden somehow. apa2pun, as long as shes happy... growing old is scary business.

11:20 AM  
Blogger fahmi said...

satu tempat yg SUNGGUH menarik..terkejut aku apabila pertama kali dtg kesana..tempatnya sungguh BERSIH..inilah tempat yg BETUL2 KITA DAPAT MENGENALI ALLAH S.W.T.semua ketenangan,kedamaian dan keikhlasan terdapat disini..jd dtglah dan lihat sendiri tempat yg dibangunkan oleh seorang ulama yg budiman..

10:30 AM  
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