Sunday, July 26, 2009

They Told Me...


They told me I got high-grade sarcoma cancer. They told me I gotta undergo chemotherapy. They told me about a lot of things that made me understand better about what is it that I have which made me as good an oncologist as the one they've got stationed at high-class medical centres in the city. In the meantime, I keep running. I keep swimming. I keep bicycling. As a matter of fact I just got myself a Dutch city bike to get around the neighborhood to make me forget for a brief moment that I got cancer. Which is not a big thing now that every guy in town has one, just like every guy in town has iPhone to keep himself entertained while he waits up for a missus to shop for a pair of new shoes or something like that.
They told me there's a guy in Bangi who can cure cancer. And there's also a guy in Shah Alam who can do the same thing. They told me I gotta eat this herb or that herb to get meself to being normal again. They told me about a lot of things that I've begun to see that people know about a lot of things that they didn't tell me before I got cancer.
Yasmin Ahmad died last night. She got high-blood pressure and that had knocked her off in a meeting that people gotta get her to the doctors so they could work on her but she never got back on and she died on us. I always imagine something like that happening to me too because I won't know what's gonna happen to me. One minute I may be talking about a new software, the next minute I pop up like a firecracker, slumped on a chair dead as a dead guy should be. I guess I gotta be thinking about death every minute but that should not keep me from running, swimming, cycling and enjoying life the best I can.
No, blogging is not back in fashion again for me but I just gotta write something today because all of a sudden I feel as if time is running out on me. As a matter of fact I see myself being chased by a group of clocks coming out of a corner in an alley, and I'm running very fast at first but then I realize there's no need to run all that fast because sooner or later the clocks are gonna catch up with me and all I gotta do is to go find a bench to sit and let the clocks pile themselves up on me. This sounds like a good scene for a music video. Lemme go see someone now that Yasmin isn't around anymore to hear me out.

64 Comments:

Blogger Saya... said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Kama said...

Bergen, I am at a loss of what to say. I am in tears as I write this because Pak Abu and know you in person and not as some strange-sounding nick in blogsphere.

Please, Allah swt, bestow Your blessing on my friend who is now in pain, for only You know what's best for him.

Chin up, Bergen.. my doa is with you always.

It's such a sad day.. Yasmin whom I knew sejak almost 30 tahun yang lalu baru meninggal.. now you pulak kena cancer.... Ya Allah, Ya Allah..

1:23 PM  
Blogger VersedAnggerik said...

Hey Mate,

my prayers are with U!

1:36 PM  
Blogger FH in space said...

Salam, my prayers are with you. Take care Sir.

3:27 PM  
Blogger Sir Pök Déng said...

I'm not sure I can give you a good sermon about life and death because I know you know more about it. But I think it's good for me if I could share you about someone who might can cure you.

There's someone in Dungun who can do complex surgeries as doctors do. But the main difference is, he's doing it in the other dimension with the help from the unseen. "Bedah batin" you call it.

He lives in Nibong Stesen, in a housing area facing SMASID. People call him Pok Awang.

My uncle once came to see him for a heart surgery as IJN themselves couldn't do more about it as it might harm him to death. A shocked expression seen on his face once Pok Awang explained him his condition, which was exactly the same as the doctors of IJN said.

Actually, I was one of his patients, curing myself from cancer too! Hey, now I'm good!

Kun Fayakun, as Allah said.

3:43 PM  
Blogger tokasid said...

Salam Bergen.

I got the news from Raden galoh .
I am at a loss. I just cannot believe this news.

I know you have a very firm iman to face anything. You have a positive attitude towards life.

My do'a for your recovery and health saudara.

Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi roji'un.

4:53 PM  
Blogger Ina said...

Dear Sir,

I was just about to jump for joy when I see you've updated your blog...alas it's not happiness that I find but bad news instead...sigh. My doa for you sir, to remain strong and positive about life. Get well soon!

5:58 PM  
Blogger ubisetela said...

Salam Bergen,
My doa always with you.
May Allah permudahkan semua.. and give you strength to fight it.

6:02 PM  
Anonymous mm said...

accept and fight it mate, dont u ever give up..stay positive

7:27 PM  
Blogger Fauziah Ismail said...

Salam Bergen
You returning to blogging is good news but your posting saddens me.
I may not know you personally but I think I know you some through your blog.
I looked up high-grade sarcoma cancer to know what this is about.
I know of many cancer survivors and I am going to count you as one of them.
Insya'Allah, you will beat this.
My doa for you always.

9:05 PM  
Blogger mamasita said...

Dear Bergen..
Just try your best pergi berubat sana sini situ and doa2 kuat2 mintak dengan Allah panjangkan your umur dalam kesihatan yang bertambah baik.

Also,I know you're scared..we all are..we are all tearful for you.
Just do whatever you know you should and live your life to the fullest.

And we all have clocks ticking behind us too..you are not alone bro.
You have made us all jump up and reminded us we must guard our health as best as possible.

You're such a great guy and we care for you so much..Get well quickly!!

10:08 PM  
Blogger Zendra said...

Salam Sir, it's disheartening news though I trust you WILL face this head-on, won't you? Insya Allah you'll come out none the worse for wear, just like that cheeky picture of you :)

10:30 PM  
Blogger tireless mom said...

Hi Bergen

Read about your pain in Kak Puteri's blog. My prayers are with you. Hopefully it can be cured, we have to believe in Him. Be strong and never give up.

10:32 PM  
Blogger cakapaje said...

Salam,

Bergen bro, this is certainly not the posting I've..many of your friends here, been waiting for. And like many who have commented, I too am lost for words. Any which way it goes bro, you hang on to faith in Allah s.w.t.


ps. Guess there goes our dinner, eh?

11:40 PM  
Anonymous percicilan said...

Salaam,
I heard this news from Fauziah so here I am...
I have just your blog reader, an ardent one too but now my prayers are for you... insya Allah..

11:58 PM  
Blogger nadya.s said...

salaam bergen,

good to see u here..blogging again. but am at loss after reading this post - the cancer news.

ah, im sad, with the news - yasmin ahmad is gone, but shock and more sad with your news. its like, double tragedy.

abah is here in KL for the weekend, to supervise me n mom packing, as im moving to a new crib next week.

abah cant help much,as hes also not very well for the last 1 month. but he tried to be here, giving moral support :)

abah send his salaam n well wishes to you as well, terkejut with the news, but we will always pray for health & speedy recovery.

jsngsn putus asa sir berg, insyallah setiap penyakit ada penawarnya.. cuma allah yg tentukan hal selebihnya.

12:30 AM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

Bergen, I just came back after a visit to a friend's place. She has cancer and now, this news from you.
AG and I send you our best wishes and doa. We are back here for a brief visit. Chin up, please!

8:00 AM  
Blogger AuntieYan @ Makcik Blogger said...

Salam Bergen,

.............dont know what to say,..My Allah bless you.Hidup dan mati adalah ketentuanNya.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Tok Snake said...

i salute you man.

you still run, swim , ride and blog about it in a fun way. that 's the way to go man.

the clock is chasing all of us, one way or another our time will be up.

there are people who lived with cancer but still outlived some who don't have cancer.

i hope it is still at a stage that can be treated. dukun or what not, never give up the hospital treatment.

in the meantime, live on man.

agi idup agi ngelaban.

when the day comes and Izrail is knocking on the door, open the door and smile to him and say 'yes, i am ready to go, thank you God, that was a fun ride'.

after all, u already had a whiff of the fragrance from heaven. u will be alright over there. you are a good man.

8:34 AM  
Blogger Fi-sha said...

Salam

Dear Encik Bergen

I admire your spirit to continue life doing what you enjoy most.

Our prayers are with you, always. And above all, thank you so much for sharing this with us.

I know it is beyond words to express how you really feel (physically and emotionally) and it is so unfair to tell you that we understand how what you are going through now.

Always remember you are loved much by all of us, even a total stranger like me.

Bro, never never never give up ok? Take care

:{_ _ _

8:58 AM  
Blogger A w a n g said...

Tuan Bergen,

Harap kuat semangat Tuan, dan kuat berubat dan kuat berdoa.

10:09 AM  
Blogger f said...

Redha, ikhtiar and tawakkal. Insyallah you'll be fine, Sir. With so much love in and around you, I think you'll make it through. By reading your blog, I think you are the most positive person I've ever came across.
In so many ways.

Take care, Sir. Keep on writing, ok!

regards,
-ferrol-

12:00 PM  
Blogger Red Alfa said...

Assalamualaikum w.r.t. I have been visiting your blog and mostly enjoyed reading your postings. My wife usually visits before me and unlike me would always leave with her comments. But this time, I just want to say that I have in case you never got to know. Also, one day I will be thinking of you and will be missing you.

1:04 PM  
Blogger Pak Zawi said...

Bro,
My salute to you for being so brave to face the disease head on. Hopefully you will beat it. Get well soon.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Cinta said...

You're a fighter I believe, a survivor.

Looking forward to more stories in this blog of urs in the future. years and years more of stories from u.

2:33 PM  
Blogger D said...

Bergen,
As difficult it is for us to accept the news, you are blessed! I am now a full-fledged supporter of cancer patients. You are given a second chance; a moment to pause, ponder, reflect and repent. Alhamdulillah... may the best be etched for you.

6:50 PM  
Blogger aliff muhammad said...

Salam,
Pak Bergen,

Semoga lekas sembuh. (Semua yang saya nak cakap, pembaca lain sudah tulis).

7:01 PM  
Blogger mekyam said...

dear bergen

words are so inadequate when faced with news as sobering as this. usually when told someone has cancer, after the horrified shock comes the sense of helplessness. then the tiptoing around mentioning the inevitable that awaits us all.

but the way in which you break this heartbreaking news of yours appears to me that you want to spare us even that discomfort.

what generosity of spirit, what kindness, what a beautiful person you are! you give even when you should receive. your courage and spirit of keredaan are humbling and such an inspiration.

thank you, dear bergen!

i add my fervent prayers to others that this trial is temporary and Allah keeps you in His care always.

8:56 PM  
Blogger Bergen said...

Folks, thank you for the all the nice things you say.

I've undergone 3 operations so far. Next week I'm going in for a full scan, to check that I don't have cancer cells in these 4 places (i.e lungs, liver, bone and brain). Now I know what stage 4 cancer is. It is when the cells are present in any of these zones.

I also know that sarcoma is top, followed by carcinoma (breast cancer) and lymphoma. A lotta mamas I don't even need commas.

Oh well, it's just cancer. NOT A BIG DEAL.

9:37 PM  
Anonymous zara said...

Sir Bergen dear,

Your comeback is what I have been waiting for all this while. I assume that the man looking at me, virtually, is you. Finally.

I will certainly pray for ur good health as always. You are special in your own way. I hope you will keep on writing, Sir.

I will be missing you and that's for sure. Do take care aight.

Salam.

9:59 PM  
Blogger Saya... said...

Hey Bergen,

real nice set of teeth y'have! Are those real? darn it! I'm jealous!

:)

11:47 AM  
Blogger Desert Rose said...

The only illness yg tak ade cure is MATI, hang in there. Usaha n tawakkal, stay positive like u always do.

2:28 PM  
Blogger Bijou said...

Sir Berg..

I'll extract apricot oil for you.

"...just like every guy in town has iPhone to keep himself entertained while he waits up for a missus to shop for a pair of new shoes or something like that." <<< this line put a smile on my face.

2:34 PM  
Anonymous cik_kembang said...

Dear kanda berg..

This is very heart-breaking news, but just like u said..cancer is just another type of disease..NO BIG DEAL..but u have to deal with it with fighting spirit and a good diet. I'm sure u'll be doing alrite. We'll always pray for yr good health and wellness.

p/s : I'll extract grapeseed oil for you..

Regards
CK @ leen

2:35 PM  
Anonymous mm said...

good on ya and bravo, gotta put some mileage on that dutch city bike next.. you take care now y'hear?

4:39 PM  
Blogger f said...

kenapa tukar gambar? rasanya the one before this pun ok. :P

9:56 PM  
Blogger mamalisa said...

salam ukhuwwah,

first time when the doc told me that my daughter got cancerous tumor, i feel like that was a mistake. They more they told me the more i feel confused, unbelievable, thinking what in movie/drama that am watching..but hey, I am still running my own show in saving and fighting for a little girl's life. not only me, the whole family actually.

May Allah bless u and my daughter, as well as to all the cancer patients in this world.

take care dude.

1:43 AM  
Blogger Justiffa said...

Berg - its all been said. my dua is with u.. tk care.

9:44 AM  
Blogger Kerp (Ph.D) said...

dear bergen sir,

i may be late but never too late to wish you well. such news may be devastating but like i've always reminded RG, your recovery process starts now. with all our prayers, insyaAllah you'll ease through. so hang in there, brother!

10:52 AM  
Blogger Zabs said...

Salam Bergen,
Doa saya semoga anda tabah menghadapi semua dugaan ini. InsyaAllah.

1:14 PM  
OpenID azudesu said...

oh my, oh my...

i just don't know what to say!
be strong, dear sir, i'll include your name in my doa after solat.

iAllah everything's gonna be alright.

and pls pls pls..keep us all updated,k..

10:20 PM  
Anonymous begitulahkiranya@yahoo.com said...

Sir...

of coz we're not knowing each other, by now i'm jus come across your blog aciddently...

ok.. cut the story short... you just try this one guy, we call him PAK ABU, somewhere in Kampung Tasik, Bukit Payong, Marang. Famous and favourite in treating cancer and heart attack, so do if someone being effected with spritual elements... here is his number: 0139191146.. give him a call, who knows...

you just believe in one fact that Allah is the most powerful and His 'kudrat and iradat' is very-very true...

Salam...

11:10 PM  
Blogger abdullahjones said...

bro. jadi kuat.

8:18 AM  
Blogger maszuzu said...

I'm at loss of word...:( May Allah s.w.t bless you with a strong heart in getting through this ordeal.

p/s : Been a silent reader for quite sometime...

6:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Sir,

Be strong and may Allah bless U.


naba
one of the silent readers

6:43 PM  
Blogger Mia's Mom said...

Salam Bergen,

I may not know you personally, Bro but have been reading your blog for quite some time which makes me feel like I really know you. All I can say is you have a beautiful soul and you have all the positive attitudes facing this test from Allah s.w.t. As you said, it's only cancer - May your faith grow stronger and I pray that your scan result will show a better condition. It is also said that every illness is a way of cleansing one soul of its sin. Allah has chosen you and I have faith that you will pass this test with bright flying colours. Insya Allah.

7:56 PM  
Blogger Baharudin said...

Salam Bro. Bergen,
I'm really saddened to read your blog this time around... really miss your postings since May this year... and now this. As they say, berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul... the reality is that, dari Allah kita datang, dan kepadaNya kita kembali... its a matter of when... semoga Allah memberi ketabahan...

8:05 PM  
Blogger anneaziz said...

Blog hopping and blog surfing, found your blog and felt like a kindred spirit...but have i found you too late?...nah!

They say good things happen to good people, with GOD's grace you may outlive many of us here.

Not my place to offer some philosophical reasons why it's you and not someone else, but C'est la vie!

Now's the time to find for yourself that little place deep in your heart for HIM and only HIM.

My do`a is you'll get through this and become an even better person than you ever were.

Let us help you through this even if it's only as a friend in blogosphere. Pls continue to update your blog.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Mior Azhar said...

Tuan,

My doa for you. Take care sir!!!

1:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Semoga Allah swt beri sembuh saudara Bergen, amin.

Fazilis

12:16 PM  
Blogger dee3 said...

Kehadapan En. Bergen,

Warkah ini menemui En. Bergen berikutan:

i. Teringatkan En. Bergen
ii. Teringatkan bergentest.blogspot.com yang sudah beberapa kali dijenguk tapi tiada berita baru
iii. Mengharapkan "update" ataupun sepatah dua kata daripada En. Bergen

Dengan update yang telah saudara kongsi bersama kami yang senantiasa menunggu khabar daripada saudara, adalah besar harapan saya:
i. Pihak tuan banyak bersabar tanpa berputus asa
ii. Thoughts are what forms us, so positive thoughts would definitely hope in whatever situation
iii. Maaf dipinta atas perkara (ii) yang tidak ditulis di dalam Bahasa Melayu kita yang agung ini
iv. Heheh

Nota: Please do keep your chin up, and to echo saudara/i Fazilis who sums everything up perfectly (in my mind, that is): Semoga Allah swt beri sembuh saudara Bergen, AAmiin.

is it too presumptious now to actually want the super duper dagwood sandwich, i wonder? *winks* hang in there, bro.

Salam.

2:24 AM  
Blogger dee3 said...

ii. Thoughts are what forms us, so positive thoughts would definitely HELP in whatever situation

(harap maklum)

2:33 AM  
Blogger tee said...

berg,

kepada Allah swt kita berserah...

2:43 PM  
Blogger Pp said...

my doa, my best wishes, and everything nice for you saudara Bergen.

4:16 AM  
Blogger KotaStar said...

Salam saudara ku,

By chance I came across your story. Strength and fortitude stands out. Yes not many would have what you store within you. InsyaAllah.

10:35 AM  
Blogger Pak Idrus said...

Bergen, that is life and we all have to take it as we journey on in life. Do live in the present for the present is a gift and enjoy those moment for the present would be with us only but for a few seconds only and then it would be the past.

Let hopes for the best. BTW have you read this book, it might help is some ways. I wrote a review on the book sometime ago... http://idrus.blogspot.com/2008/12/healing-power-of-water.html .

Do have a nice day and take care.

10:06 PM  
Anonymous razifembi said...

Hi Bergen, hope you strong to fight your cancer . . .

We all will die . . . not many are live ...

Hope to see you getting better and better ...

Salam singgah fro relaxjom ...

1:53 AM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:14 PM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

I have heard about this from a friend, I have been playing truant from blogging too. I don't have any kind word to say because right now, I am just so sad to know that you have the big C. Just one thing though, we don't know when our time will come. It is either sooner or later, Although we think that we are prepared for it, I feel that we will never be prepared for it. So live life to the fullest for both dunia and the akhirah. It is just my cents. May not be worth anything because I know I will NOT be fully prepared when my time comes.

InsyaAllah, you will find your own strength in all this.

p/s sorry I had to delete my first comment because of all the errors i had made.

10:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You came back to life just to let us know you got hit by cancer?

You're mean.

10:45 AM  
OpenID bubblesofthoughts said...

dah lama tak ke sini..terbaca this news. :(

moga tabah menghadapi dugaanNya

9:21 PM  
Blogger LifeBloom said...

Salam Sir

Just got to know the news and am really humbled by your attitude towards it...Will pray for your recovery and whatever the outcome, Allah SWT knows best.

Take care!

9:10 AM  
Anonymous asia rhyme said...

Hi Mr. Bergen.

So u used to talk to Yasmin ya..
Unlike u i just read her blog n enjoyed tho just by doin that..

me miss Yasmin a lot.

my prayers always wif u sir.take gud care ya..

11:17 AM  
Blogger farah said...

Late I know, but to open up your blog after so long and be hit by this - maaann! No one can accuse you of not making a memorable return.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, kind sir. You've got such a beautiful soul. Know that you're loved - my so many.

2:04 PM  

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