Wednesday, March 29, 2006

This Has Gotta Work.


I have got me a plan to win over this woman whom I hope to become Mrs Bergen Von Jurgen Abdullah. With a bit of luck, and hardwork, she shall be the mother to our children you see running about in the yard playing with a trishaw. Don't worry. Having experienced playing with the trishaw myself, I would have removed all the three tyres from the trishaw so the kids won't take it to a spot where they can run it downhill. Now THAT is what I'd called a foresight. Almost clairvoyance.

Anyone knows a plan should be simple, straightforward, and requires minimum gadgets for it to work like a charm. With this in mind, I have developed a fool-proof plan which may,or may not require security clearance from these guys:

Ministry of Defence
Gagasan Saksi Nikah Kawin Selangor
Fire Department
Ministry of Local Housing
DBKL
Department of Civil Aviation
Consumers' Association of Mutiara Damansara
Residents' Association of Damansara Perdana
Persatuan Penjaja Jalanan Bergitar
Gagasan Penjual Besi Lembah Klang
Persatuan Doktor Gigi Wilayah Persekutuan
Goldsmith Guild
Yayasan Kadhi Malaysia

and other non-profit organizations who have a direct interest in this thing called Tesco Kinda Love. It isn't easy trying to keep a plan simple, straightforward and execution-friendly if you take into account the geographic factors of Damansara Perdana. For one thing this location is under the jurisdiction of Petaling Jaya Selatan, a district in Selangor. The area around Tesco, I believe, is under Kuala Lumpur. This in itself presents all kinds of administrative problems that may require a specialist familiar with this sort of thing to weave in and out of this territorial labyrinth. It simply means I may have to hire a consultant to get around this. Hiring means money, but money isn't something I am willing to invest at this point in time. It's just too early in the venture to be thinking of paying hard-earned money to total strangers who don't appreciate what is it that I am trying to achieve, or where this romantic adventure is going. He, or she, may not know how long I have waited for this golden moment to finally happen. Of course I can insist to include a clause in the service contract that he, or she, should read all my entries about Elizabeth Taylor to acquaint themselves with the concept of Tesco Kinda Love but that is no guarantee that they may, in the end, work very hard to making my dream come true. In fact they may charge me triple now that they know how much this Tesco Lady means to me. In the end, I have decided to go for it alone. The way I've always do it. It's more Clint Eastwood this way. More cowboyish. Minus the horse. And the cheque.

Say I am on aisle 4, looking for olive oil. I scan the gondola shelves to look for the brand I am familiar with. And then boom! There she is. In her dark green baju kurung, reading a label of a guacamole sauce. I push my trolley towards the general direction to close in on her position, right at the gondola end, a T-junction flanked by the cold cuts section. Music playing in the background, maybe a Chopin, or a Bach, or Dancing Queen by Abba, or Ma Baker by BoneyM. Doesn't really matter although I'd prefer something more appropriate like You Set My Heart On Fire by Tina Charles.

I pretend to look at the top shelves. Put on a face as if Tesco hasn't replenished the stock of a brand I am looking for. Ish Ish Ish. I figure out what to say. Check the grammar. And the spelling, I mean the delivery, trying very hard not to sound like a voice-over for a radio commercial of a fire sale. And just when I am about to deliver the line I've rehearsed and practised all my life, she has to go over to the next aisle.

Music change. Maybe Rasputin by BoneyM. Make that One Of Us Is Crying by Abba. Wait the minute. This is no time for crying. Change that music to something like Dance Little Lady Dance by Tina Charles.

End of Plan A.

Gotta work out Plan B, which deals with how to handle the situation in aisle 5.

19 Comments:

Blogger ailin...in aalborg said...

I think you should bring a kid (borrow your neighbour's probably?) and say you are babysitting for your friend/neighbour/whatever relation. Ask the kid to feign sickness and fall flat on his face JUST BEFORE Tesco-sweetheart turns to the next aisle.

Women go for these things.

8:16 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

Bergen, tell me, exactly how many aisles do they have at this Tesco u're talking about?? Cos then I will roughly know how many plans you need!

All the best sir! U know I'm with u all the way!

Go Bergen Go Bergen Go!

8:37 PM  
Blogger Sayuti said...

good luck, sir. just dont end up like my fren Lan.

10:57 PM  
Blogger Sayuti said...

sir, i just realize that my fren Lan and you has nothing in common whatsoever. i interpret this entry before i read down the other entries which i missed.

sorry.

11:03 PM  
Blogger raksaksabiskut said...

bergen, the tales you weave are amazing! tak pernah cemuih baca la.. :)

11:16 PM  
Blogger NBB said...

what does persatuan doktor gigi had to do with this fool - proof plan? buat gigi palsu ke?

12:12 AM  
Blogger Maya said...

Oh Bergen, couldn't you get Miss Taylor away to some lovely scenic spot so you can sing a bollywood song (Kuch Kuch Hota Hai)and run around trees and get wet in the rain and then sing one more song (Roop Tera Mastana or Hum Tum aka Bobby song)- thats guaranteed to work. Take it from me.

Just say the word, B and we will be there in full force to direct the best cinematographical sequence bollywood has ever seen. I will go get Anedra to run around along with you and Miss Taylor, carting the humongous cinema camera on her dependable shoulders. She WILL gladly oblige. How I know that, you ask? Becuase she needs to lose some weight for her Srikandi Night. I am sure of it.

8:05 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

continuiing from Maya..yes, i'd be willing to help. for the obvious reasons as mentioned. But if u want my help..you've got TWO days. it's a win-win thing, I help you, you help me!

Either ways..i will be cheering for u anyways!

8:54 AM  
Blogger Queen Of The House said...

Planning dah macam-macam ni, Bergen. Bila nak execute? :D

9:46 AM  
Blogger JoKontan said...

Bergen,

"One of Us is Crying" is tak berapa kena laa Berg.

Ooo OK .. you changed it "Dance Little Lady Dance"

Mebbe "Does Your Mother Know' is better huh ?

You’re so hot, teasing me
So you’re blue but I can’t take a chance on a chick like you
That’s something I couldn’t do

There’s that look in your eyes
I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild...


Go Bergen Go !!

9:52 AM  
Blogger LifeBloom said...

Haaaaa...you can upah somebody to pura2x accidentally tertolak/shove her until her handbag jatuh. Lepas tu you walk over (in a very Clint Eastwood fashion)to collect the bag and ask her how she is....Eyes would meet. Time will be frozen. And the rest is history......

10:22 AM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

I was out of the cyberworld for a day, and now, all the makcik2 trying to help you execute your plan. Need help from Penang Bergen?
Maybe we can all organise a stack out from all the bloggers to be your look our person on each ailse. Like that you will move faster and easily corner her into your arms (literally speaking).

10:30 AM  
Anonymous hemu2 said...

sigh.. the power of love
with all the trips to Tesco and planning, you'd better walk up to her and spill your guts..err i mean heart when the opportunity shows itself, which shouldn't be a problem since the lot of us are willing to voluntarily stalk the place

10:32 AM  
Blogger A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

very good action plan that. good luck in the execution.

oh, damansara perdana is part of petaling jaya utara. petaling jaya selatan is the subang-sunway side.

cheers!

11:03 AM  
Blogger Ms.B said...

Anedra, this Tesco is BIG!! We're talking about no less than 50 aisles I think - jenuh tau nak walk from the electrical items section to the powdered milk section!

SO - we need TONS of man(lady) power to do this!!

Berg, Berg!! Waiting for cue, nih!!

Whatever it is, please please please don't go doing it from tomorrow till Sunday!! I'm outstation!!! :(

Aiyah - but things like this must strike while the iron is hot. *Tapi kalau can tunggu, bagus ler.. hehe*

Ok, so go go go!!! :)

11:13 AM  
Blogger thinktankgal said...

Bergen....just go up to her and say hellooo!!! Or you can do that scene from Friends when you carry a kid and said, something about kids food beside her???!!! ;) Good Luck Bergen!

11:16 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Ailin: Women go for these things. Now that is interesting, ma'am.

Anedra: I don't tally my plan with the number of aisles, ma'am. LOL. I just need one plan.

Sayuti: This friend of yours Lan, he's not looking for someone with specific features, is he?

Raksasabiskut: Thank you, ma'am.

Dr Nurul Bahiyah Baharudin: Just in case, ma'am. Just in case I got hit in the jaw.

Maya: I love this Bollywood thing, ma'am! I can do the songs simultaneously. It maybe hard for you to imagine but trust me, I can do that. LOL. And I like getting soaked and all drenched to the bones in the rain. Although I'm not sure if she shares the same line of thinking on this one.

Anedra: Two days? Okay, so I've got meself a deadline to work this out within the time limit. Budget is another because this may involve sound effect, soundtrack and optical illusion. LOL.

QOTH: It's usually like that with plans, ma'am. It looks good on paper, until you meet the person you have to deal with. I think George W.Bush said something like this: military assault plans look good until you meet the enemy. Couldn't agree with him more.

Jokantan: Does Your Mother Know is good. It has all the right feel to the situation. You know your songs, sir. LOL. We'll reserve Selamat Tinggal Teluk Bayu by Ernie Djohan for my departure to leave the country if this whole thing doesn't work out.

Lifebloom: Good idea there. I can start a business with a good stock of men and women for hire to stage something like this. They can also freelance for movies if business is slow.

AuntyN: LOL, she will probably wonder how come there's women all over the place with walkie-talkie, reporting her every move to some unseen person somewhere. LOL.

Hemu2: Yes, ma'am. That's what I plan to do. Walk up to her and say, will you marry me. If she doesn't want, I just roll on the floor like Dewey in Malcom In The Middle.

Xaviera: I am too much in love to know any better between North, or South. LOL.

Blabs: Okay, we'll wait until you get back.

Thinktankgal: I may have to do this without the kid. Don't want to get into trouble with the law for underage involvement in adult affair. LOL.

1:41 PM  
Blogger pu1pu3 said...

Drama, drama, drama. But an exciting one!!!
I hope you get your missus soon!

3:07 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Pu1Pu3: I hope so too, ma'am. Don't think I can hold on a second longer not letting her know that I truly love her.

4:07 PM  

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