This Is No Way To Live.

It's gonna get worse on Monday. This loneliness. When everyone gets into a car to go work in a downtown office. There'll be a long line of cars on the ramp going towards the city. All I can do is watch from the balcony thinking what a nice life it would be to have something important to do first thing Monday morning. People to meet. A meeting to attend. A phone call to make. Monday is not my kinda day. It's the day that reminds me that I am totally disconnected with the rest of the world, not participating in any way in the economic scheme of things that make this nation a great country. Used to feel important working on a rig on a night shift when the rain beat down your back like sleet of needles, the waves roaring as if ready to swallow you up if you are not careful with your steps. It felt good. The responsibilities. And the kinda work I did. It felt good to work real hard to bring up the crude oil so someone onshore can process it, sell it to bring in money for the country. It felt good to contribute something for the good life of the people who will never know what is it that you gotta do to get to the crude oil. Or how dangerous it is to work on a rig. Or what kinda men who can do this year in year out, every rotation is like a trip to Disneyland. Every helicopter pick-up is like a joyride on a stolen trishaw downhill.

Right now, I feel like signing up to go work in the North Sea where the danger is. I don't have anything to look forward to. I don't want to see another Monday. All I want is to do what I used to do. Pack a duffel bag to head for the airport to get on a plane on a one way trip to some place like New Zealand where I can live in a house with a nice kitchen with someone. Someone who means something. Someone who stole my heart and never gave it back. Someone I used to quarrel with over every little thing. Someone I used to take a stance on every little issue. Even the brand of a toothpaste. Someone I suddenly miss like crazy.

I don't want to see Monday.