Monday, February 20, 2006

World Without Men

Chapter VII
(A summary)

(Men are like that and there is nothing you can do about it.)

Some women won't know until it's too late to do anything except to demand a divorce, walking out of a marriage with a broken heart. She will never ever again trust in something as fragile as love because she knows women have no control over the destiny of a marriage when all it takes is for a man to be interested in someone new which in this case the prettiest woman in the village who happened to be Aunt. Unfortunately, when Captain Kamarudin (not his real name) was head over heel with Aunt, he had no idea that Aunt, according to Grandma, very nearly brought the sky down when she found out her ex-husband planned to take another missus because he was a man, and a man didn't need a reason to marry another other than because he felt like it. Men are like that and there is nothing you can do about it.

But I am not like that, Grandma.
Oh yes you will, when you are in your 40s.

Captain Kamarudin must have been in his 40s when he appeared at the house one day with Uncle, to look at the gold bracelets, rings and necklaces that Aunt had in her collection for sale together with batik sarung which the captain didn't seem to be interested at all because according to him he was single. Aunt said maybe you should get a few for your mother, or sisters as these are the best range from Indonesia and she could give him a good price. He said maybe next time, when he finally found someone to buy these for but as it is right now, he is single and will remain single because being a soldier made it doubly difficult to find the right girl for a missus. Aunt kept asking how about this, how about that, how about this one, what about this one, I can give you a good price.

I brought out coffee in a big pot reserved for special guests and the captain said, good coffee this is, is he your son? Aunt said, yes. He said,good boy, very clever. I am forever the last ten in my class and he said I'm clever? This soldier didn't know anything. Of course he didn't have to know anything about me because he obviously didn't want to know about anything other than to find out about Aunt if she was interested to re-marry to start a new life as someone's missus on account of she being a widow for too long. Of course the captain didn't know any better that Aunt didn't believe in marriage anymore having been treated like a useless piece of charcoal when her ex-husband decided that she wasn't good enough despite being a stunning beauty with her Middle-Eastern features, sharp nose, eyes forever lined with a liner, fair complexion and hair black as night. Years later when I told Aunt that if ever I would marry, my missus should be as pretty as Elizabeth Taylor to which Aunt said, you will find someone as pretty as her alright but when you touch forty you will start to find faults with her to look for someone less pretty to marry. Mark my word, men are like that and there is nothing you can do about it.

Of course Aunt didn't end up a missus to Captain Kamarudin because she knew right from the start that the captain was married, probably with a dozen children. I asked Grandma if news had a way of getting to Aunt that all it took was just one look for her to know that the captain was a married man. Aunt laughed like she had never laughed before, saying in between her laughter, one day you will know that women have a way of knowing this thing and there is nothing you can do about it.


Blogger Noni said...

I am one who believes that you can't control your feelings, but you can always control what you do about them. ... and lying is something that you definitely control from. Married men who claim to be single simply to score, should be castrated. That would ensure that they be 'single' as single can be.

And yes, women have a way of knowing if a guy is married and especially when the guy is making a pass at her. Ceratin gender and certain ethnicities simply put this innate ability to a woman being 'perasan'.

10:09 PM  
Blogger anggerik merah said...

So, life begin at 40 for man is true generalisation?

12:08 AM  
Blogger Nurelhuda said...

Yes it is true that men will want to look around or play around , no matter how good and pretty their wives. The only thing wives can do about it is to understand it is not about them but it is 100% about their errant husbands and not to feel hurt or slighted or that it is their fault their husbands do it. You frequently hear terms like tak pandai jaga laki which is so unfair because it places the blame on the wives for the husbans wandering ways

7:59 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

Oh yes..we definitely know these sort of things. Instincts. That's what they call it..Sometimes, you wish you didn't have it!

8:54 AM  
Blogger arby said...

Your aunt was right about men finding faults of their wives when they enter 40s. My husband had an affair with his officemate. During that period, he had said that I look macam orang bodoh dan juga hodoh. His officemates and friends have been telling me that I look nicer thant that girl.

9:47 AM  
Blogger thinktankgal said...

Your aunt was a smart woman indeed ;) Somehow the instincts tell us, you know...anyways, life is good at 40 I suppose...Never too late, Bergen :)

9:54 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Noni: You say it good, madam.

Anggerik Merah: It must have some truth in it.

Dr Nurul: You've got it right, ma'am.

Anedra: Things we don't know won't hurt us?

Arby: I hope things will work out between you and your hubby. I would be the last person to say anything about a marriage because I am not qualified.

Thinktankgal: At times I look back at my youth thinking how nice it would be if can be at the age where I just could pack a knapsack to take a plane, or train, going nowhere in particular but somehow end up on a rig. I miss this a great deal but life isn't about moving on from one place to another without a permanent address or a fixed line telephone number.

4:03 PM  
Blogger anne said...

Are all men from MARS??

4:13 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

will it?

4:20 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Anne: It comes out a factory like that, ma'am.

Anedra: I don't know whether which is better, to know about something later, or to know about something earlier. It is better to know about the storm early so you can be prepared, or move out of the way. But sometimes to know about it early can be dangerous too like getting caught in a melee of fleeing public.

In matters of the heart I guess it is better not to know because in the end what does matter is whether you still count in her plan. Whether she wants you to be in her larger scheme of things.

4:41 PM  
Blogger mommy@lif said...

en bergen, i once saw an office affair leads to divorce. yang paling kesian kat anak my colleague la. tapi dah takleh diselamatkan dah cos both parties decided to separate.

another good friend of mine sekarang madly in love with a divorcee (duda) anak 2. paling tak best sebab x-wife dia dok marah² sms & call my friend.

well i guess, semua nih jodoh & takdir

5:24 PM  
Blogger Sayuti said...

Grandma statement in your story just verified one comment i made at Kak Sya's blog.

thank you

5:47 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

AM: I was lucky because life with Grandma, Aunt and Cousin wasn't a hard one economically. Of course I don't know until today how much Aunt suffered inside when I found her crying all alone in a room, or when she hugged me in my sleep that got my back feeling warm with her tears. I never asked, I could only guess but I will never know for sure.

I will never know how sad it is when a marriage come to an end although I've seen it a lot in Uncle's marriage, one coming down after another. Through it all he was as happy as a bird.

Really, I don't know other than what I experienced as a child, growing up with Aunt. To me, she was everything a mommy could be. As a child I didn't need a man.

5:49 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Sayuti: You must forgive me, sir. What is the name of Kak Sya's blog?

5:53 PM  

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