Thursday, November 29, 2007

I Used To Google You.

Once or twice. Maybe more, I Googled your name to see if I could trace you so I could write you a letter and send it by airmail post. I thought I'd write about how things have been good to me with my being in business and all. I'd write about general things that don't mean much to me but I'd write them anyway because I gotta paint you a picture that I'm doing all right on my own. I'd write about how I've been in and out of a relationship but never gotten anywhere near to starting a new life with someone new.
And I'd write a full paragraph how I wish we could get back together again because no matter how much I hate to admit it to myself I can't find a single reason why I shouldn't love you. I'd write about staring at a computer for hours hoping that I'd find you but do you realise how many Catherine there are in the world that I've figured there is no way I could get lucky to track you down via Google.
I'd write about the trips I took to Auckland two years after the divorce. I'd write about being in Auckland all alone in the hotel room hoping I could talk to you on the phone to tell you how sorry I was to let you go.
And I'd write about places I've been. I'd write about life in the desert in Saudi Arabia. And the good times I had with friends on the rig in the middle of South China Sea. I'd write about the money I spent. I'd write about Tehran and Sudan. I'd write about the North Sea, Oslo and the Norwegian friends. I'd write about what made me decide to give up Meat Science and jumped into oil. I'd write about friends I helped to start a restaurant. I'd write about how I got conned by friends. I'd write about the barroom brawls and being in jail, half the time not knowing what got me there in the first place. I'd write about the things that could make you see how my life turned upside down since the day we kissed for the last time trying hard not to cry because all the crying had been done and all that was left was to say, see ya, kiddo.
I'd write about things that don't mean much to you. But I'd write in a single line that I still love you.

11 Comments:

Blogger tokasid said...

Salam bergen:

I can feel you bro. I do know you still love her very much. I've been re-reading for old entry about her and I realize you can't get over her.

If only she knew.....

But what can I say.
Hope you'll have a nice weekend bro.You take care.

8:24 AM  
Blogger tokasid said...

Correction:

I've been re-reading your old entry about her and I realize you can't get over her.

8:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi bergen, try facebook, its the best way to find old friends, long lost loves..... i found a friend i last saw after 20 yrs. Its also a cool way of stalking people who were in your lives without getting into trouble. Just go to www.facebook.com and tell us if u got lucky.

8:37 AM  
Blogger dee3 said...

sir: deep.

10:38 AM  
Anonymous podgykat said...

Ahhh, this entry of yours just hit a raw nerve; makes me want to cry. It brings e e cummings poem "i carry your heart with me" to mind. Gosh, i can only remember snippets-but it goes something like, i carry your heart, i carry it in my heart. So carry her heart in your heart Bergen but if she's nowhere to to be found, may you find it in your heart one day to love someone else just as much.

All the best.In your quest. :)

10:45 AM  
Anonymous E said...

my sentiment, exactly. the part that u can never forget that someone special.

i'd write that line too, berg, but i'm too scared of the consequences.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Kata Tak Nak said...

You've answered my question.

I can only offer you this. It may not be comforting but it is the way it is.

"What wound did ever heal but by degrees ?"
Othello, Act ii, Sc.3

1:52 PM  
Anonymous zara said...

Again, a very well said, Sir.

2:42 PM  
Anonymous kl_gal said...

My dua sen..a womans point of view..it seems that you're still full of regrets and still hold a torch for her. Dont know why you're so sentimental now ..maybe its the time of year? A New Year coming soon..its always a time of reflection, melancholy, should have, could have thoughts? Just be sure that what you're craving for is what it was and not what it should have been or you wish it could have been.
If you're sure, contact her. Do you guys have any friends in common who know where she could be?
Wish you luck.

2:45 PM  
Blogger Fauziah Ismail said...

Salam Bergen
Some of your postings never fail to bring tears to my eyes. *sob*

1:06 AM  
Blogger Effa Mas said...

...and that pain lives in you.

6:25 PM  

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