I Used To Google You.

Once or twice. Maybe more, I Googled your name to see if I could trace you so I could write you a letter and send it by airmail post. I thought I'd write about how things have been good to me with my being in business and all. I'd write about general things that don't mean much to me but I'd write them anyway because I gotta paint you a picture that I'm doing all right on my own. I'd write about how I've been in and out of a relationship but never gotten anywhere near to starting a new life with someone new.

And I'd write a full paragraph how I wish we could get back together again because no matter how much I hate to admit it to myself I can't find a single reason why I shouldn't love you. I'd write about staring at a computer for hours hoping that I'd find you but do you realise how many Catherine there are in the world that I've figured there is no way I could get lucky to track you down via Google.

I'd write about the trips I took to Auckland two years after the divorce. I'd write about being in Auckland all alone in the hotel room hoping I could talk to you on the phone to tell you how sorry I was to let you go.

And I'd write about places I've been. I'd write about life in the desert in Saudi Arabia. And the good times I had with friends on the rig in the middle of South China Sea. I'd write about the money I spent. I'd write about Tehran and Sudan. I'd write about the North Sea, Oslo and the Norwegian friends. I'd write about what made me decide to give up Meat Science and jumped into oil. I'd write about friends I helped to start a restaurant. I'd write about how I got conned by friends. I'd write about the barroom brawls and being in jail, half the time not knowing what got me there in the first place. I'd write about the things that could make you see how my life turned upside down since the day we kissed for the last time trying hard not to cry because all the crying had been done and all that was left was to say, see ya, kiddo.

I'd write about things that don't mean much to you. But I'd write in a single line that I still love you.