Feelin' Like An Intellectual.

Don't ask me when was the last time I've read this many books in my life that this whole thing is making me feel as if I am an intellectual ever ready to disagree with anything I can think of in a conversation with campus folks who's got glasses thicker than magnifying glass. I know I got things under control. In fact I believe no one knows better than me how dangerous this little knowledge can do to myself if I don''t keep things in check. Who knows I might end up like one of those intellectuals who disagree with everything people say that in the end they've got no friends to turn to when they need a 20 sen coin to pull off a trolley at Carrefour.

Which is why I've stopped reading for a while. I'm taking a break from reading for a few hours to give myself a perspective that the world doesn't evolve around books alone. Neither does the world evolve around how smart you think you are, or how much knowledge you think you've got in your head just because you've read all the thick books in the library. I know better and I ain't gonna lie to myself that I may have read a lot of books thicker than a piece of brick but damned if I know the meaning of the big words they've got written in them. In fact I'm starting to have the impression that people who wrote those thick books are quite troublesome to the world since they can't explain their thinking in simple sentences so people like me can understand better what in the world they are trying to say.

I haven't yet the skill to skim the layers and layers of big sentences with equally big words to get to the real thing so I can just go home and say, oh this guy's hungry and all he wants is a sandwich and coffee. But instead, the guy writes something like this:

The form in which his life-story comes to us is intensively mediated: through his own fame and astute sense of publicity, his meticulously rearranged autobiographies, the accretion of subsequent commentary, and the inflections lent by his combative attitude to life.

I tried telling myself to keep going, don't give up. Try to understand. Check the dictionary. But after checking the dictionary for more than 29 times to finish up a page, I said to myself; maybe this ain't the kinda life you wanna to pursue, mate. Maybe you're meant for the grease and diesel and saltwater and oil rig and not this diabolical thing you think you can handle called, intellectual. But I know better. I don't wanna go back to the rig. I've had enough of that kinda life. I don't wanna deal with fire no more. All I wanna do is to learn a thing or two so I can be as smart as everyone else around me. Like those people who can express their opinion with words that work so well with what they're thinking.

I'm going back to my books.