How To Get Your Girl.

Thank goodness life isn't like a movie where you need to do a lot to get your girl; like defuse a time-bomb, or jump on a runaway train to hit the brake so you can stop it in time for dinner, or hop on a full-load passenger plane to land the aircraft because the captain has decided to lock himself in the toilet. I reckon in real life a girl you've set your heart on doesn't want you to do all that because she knows you are not trained to defuse a bomb, and she knows too that you are not the train-jumping kinda guy, or the sort of gentleman who can fly Airbus A380 since she knows too well that you are only licensed to drive a family sedan. She knows you are not the type who can ride a horse while shooting a rifle at full gallop, or the kinda guy who can fight 300 bandits all by yourself.

Thank goodness life isn't a movie. But this doesn't mean you can have it easier. In fact sometimes I wish life is a movie where I get to kiss a girl and the girl puts up a show as if she doesn't want to be kissed by any other guy in the world except me, and I don't want to kiss any girl in the world except her and so I say to myself, why don't I kiss this girl like I really mean it and so I do just that and more. And the kissing scene is good enough for an Oscar before the director say 'Cut!' and you go, aww, man.

In real life you don't know for sure if the girl you've set your heart on is interested in you and so you play guessing game. You take up psychology to learn a thing or two about body language, or study the finer art of smiles to interpret things she does to know for sure whether the smile she's just given you was a smile to acknowledge your presence, or was it a smile that has hidden meaning like, why don't you pay for my groceries, or could it be a smile to mean something more romantic like, why don't you propose and I'd say 'Yes' right away for the heck of it. Oh, could you do the laundry for me? Of course it could also mean something more practical, like she just smiled at a friend who was standing behind you and you thought the smile was meant for you. In real life you have to live with perasaan perasan. It's not a bad thing but it could get pretty embarrassing if you are not careful about responding to a smile, or a wave by a girl you've set your heart on.

That's why it is a good idea to put on a pair of cool, Oakley shades. The kind people in 100m sprint put on when they need to break world record. It hides your eyes, and your personality just in case you made a mistake of perasan for no reason since your romantic judgement has gotten over you and you thought the girl you've set your heart on is crazy about you that all she ever wants in the world is to marry you and make love to you so she can have your baby, one after another, year after year that in the end you say to her, you are such a fertile person, and she says to you, hey, you are not so bad yourself. And she got pregnant again.

No, I don't have the tips how to get a girl. In real life, that is. Of course you can rely on technology to get the job done, like SMS or something but you need to find out her number first before you can start sending text messages longer than the Greek poems. Of course you need to make sure she's the poetry kind. It's a chance you've gotta take, it's a choice you've gotta make because the choice of language you use in a SMS will position you either as a country squire, or a metropolitan kinda guy. Or a funny guy with no future, or a plain guy with a future but with no sense of humor, or a SMS freak who takes advantage of all the pre-paid packages offered by the telco companies.

Excuse me, folks. It's the week-end. I need to go defuse a bomb, stop a runaway train, and hop on a plane to land it safely on the tarmac because the captain is in the toilet with a serious indigestion.