Thursday, January 18, 2007

Macho Talkin'

When it comes to macho talkin', mumblin' the words in Italian New York accent, twistin' your mouth sideways, and gettin' even with the bad guys big time, you wanna bet both your ears on Rambo. How can you not put your faith in Rambo when he's got the knife he's famous for. The knife that fired the imagination of every guy who grew up watching all the Rambo movies that he had to get himself one so he can survive anything the world has got going for him, including nuclear aftermath.
It's a knife with a mean looking blade that you can unscrew the butt of the handle to keep in the cylinder, a fish hook, a small knife, a nail clipper, maybe a cologne, or after shave, a couple of tooth picks and cotton buds, a lip gloss, and a needle and thread just in case you need to sew up a deep gash of flesh wound all by yourself in the middle of a tropical jungle somewhere in Vietnam or El Salvador. The knife also comes with a compass that glows in the dark.
Now that you've got the knife you'd also need a wristwatch, a mean looking watch to match your kick-ass knife. What you'd need is a Commando wristwatch. The kind Arnold wears in the movie where he hops on a moving plane taking off on a tarmac, holding on to the landing gear making the whole thing look like a walk in the park, or as if he's having a ball of a time on a swing attached to a tree, or riding a pony in a carousel.
You'd also need a pair of cargo pants, the kind Vin Diesel looks good wearing. Now that you've got all the stuff that tough guys are made of, all you've gotta do is shave your head. Tough guys don't need hair. They are so tough even hair won't grow on them. Of course, you'd need an excellent, round, US Marine kinda head to look good in a clean shaven head. Most Asians don't have a perfect head like this therefore you may want to flat-top your head. This is okay in the 80s but in 2007 people might think you're so tough that you're behind time. Way behind.
Of course the guys who go and get himself all these macho things don't usually have the body to go with the gadgets movie tough guys carry around the way they carry their chest, wrapping it in a white t-shirt two sizes smaller, or a black tank top. But being skinny as a stick is not an excuse not to go ahead and act tough especially when you've got a knife, a wristwatch, cargo pants and a clean shaven head. Never mind if you are as skinny as Wahid Satay.
As tough guys you also need to use a lot of F words to give the impression that you are not afraid for your action and that you can knock every guy in the room with your nose, or your knife, just in case the fight gets out of hand. Of course this all in the movies.
Tough guys in the real world can be quite unassuming. Like my friend who I shall call Kasim Ikan Kering. One look at him is enough to give you the impression that you can knock this guy out flat in 3 seconds with your left hook, or a tight slap. He doesn't have the Rambo knife. He wears a Seiko 5 watch which is about 15 years old. He puts on a pair of crumpled pants he bought from a bundle shop in Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman. And the shirt he's got on his back is usually a free t-shirt like, Pesta Bunga Kuala Lipis 2001, or Larian Kota Star 1999, or Pasaraya Bintang. Between you and I, he's a Black Beetle champion in Muay Thai and a grand master of Buah Pukul, or you may call it Lian Yunan, or Lian Padukan, or Gerak Lian or Buah Pukul Mersing. I've seen him knocked 3 guys cold with his knees and a swift swing from his elbows to the temple to very nearly dislodge the eyes from the sockets. No, he doesn't speak with Italian New York accent but he's got a twist a little bit in his mouth, a reminder of a powerful back thrust by a navy he fought in Labuan. The navy became his master. That's how he got his black belt in Taekwondo. Now he's into Kali Pekiti Tersia. I'll tell you what it is in another entry.
No, he doesn't use F words. He's very polite and very civil.


Blogger k.d said...

Diam-diam cili api yek Mr.Bergen. Or Don't judge a book by it's cover. You pulak camne? Big tough guy or....hensem cool guy? Hehehe..

8:05 PM  
Blogger NBB said...

to those guys pretending to be macho even though they're not, this is my word to you all: PIRAHHHHHH...

sekian. terimakasih.

12:26 AM  
Blogger anggerik merah said...

was here to read...:-)

12:08 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

K.D: Okay, for a limited time only, I will post my picture here so you can judge for yourself what an ugly person I am. LOL.

NBB: Sama-sama, Dr Nurul.

Anggerik Merah: It's good to see you here again, ma'am. I believe you are back home now right?

To everyone who dropped by or who found their way here, thank you for coming. Have a nice day all, y'hear?

11:34 AM  
Blogger k.d said...

Takkan ugly kot Mr.Bergen..banyak je ladies falling in love with you...or is it the other way around?

3:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

MacGyber is still my favourite. He's clean shaven, at least.

1:23 AM  
Blogger JoKontan said...

Sir Bergeng :

Well said.

If I may re-post it again here.

... Be prepared to lose everything you've got because a fight like this is never fair...

1:45 PM  
Blogger maklang said...

tak semestinya when you use the F word, you are machokan..kan...

6:30 PM  
Blogger Arena said...

En Bergen,

I like this Kasim guy.

10:40 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

pmK.D: Send me your email address at and I'll send you an address where you can get my pix.

Maizura Ailin: He's a resourceful fella that guy.

Jokontan: Thank you, sir.

Maklang: Betul tu, Maklang.

Arena: He's a good friend of mine, ma'am.

7:47 PM  

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