Friday, January 12, 2007

Blogs By Males In Their 40s

Maybe some people can do it but I can't tell by the style of writing alone whether a blog is by a guy in his 40s, or a motherly lady who has a recipe for every dish in the world and the hereafter. When it comes to figuring out the gender of a blogger based on things he or she writes about, I usually rely on my unproven and far from being scientific method of arriving at the final analysis. You may have your own method and I'm sure it is as good as your nose. In fact I have a feeling your method is better than mine but since this is not about who's right or who's wrong I reckon we'd better not start a debate that might escalate into a full blown sectarian violence.
Give me a blog, any blog and I can tell you right away that the writer is male in his 40s and not a matronly housewife who knows how to fix the gear box of a truck. In fact I can even tell you quite a bit about the demographic and psychographic profiles of the male bloggers in their 40s. Like which school he went to. His favorite food. Which hypermarket he drives his missus for groceries. What time he goes to bed. Which side of the bed he prefers to sleep on. What kind of toothbrush he uses from Monday to Wednesday, and from Thursday to Sunday. Who he voted for in the last general election. In fact I can even tell you what he has just had for lunch. Gimme a few minutes I might even tell you his BP, cholesterol, sugar and stress levels.
I know a lot more than I think I know about him. In fact I am surprised myself that I know so much about males in their 40s who write blogs during office hours that I'm inclined to call their bosses to check on them so they can get back to doing what they are paid for.
I even know whether his missus pays the monthly bills on time. And where. Cash, check or card. In fact I may even know his cellphone number, what kind of phone he's using, where he bought it from, and how he paid for it. I know quite a lot about him really. Nothing to it actually if you know the principle I tentatively called, Grump. Now this concept is still in its infancy and I don't want to kelam kelibut so as to give people a chance to take advantage of this concept to call it their own since it is pure hard work and dedication on my part to develop it in a secret location somewhere in the dusty side of Damansara Perdana. Postcode unknown.
Lemme lead you on to an open secret about blogs written by males in their 40s. You can tell it too after you are done with this entry and I promise not to take too much of your precious time since we are all busy people with busy schedule, people to meet and blogs to read, and write.
I don't know whether it is genetic but males in their 40s seem to have more to complain about. Maybe it is work related or something in the water that made them this way but I figure it has something to do with being at the crossroad of entering middle age and looking at the 30s leaving and never coming back. You name it and they've got a complaint or two about anything. About the kind of music the youth listen to, or the clothes they wear. The way people drive their cars to work. The long lines at the check-out counter at the hypermarket. Why the missus is taking so much time to bring dinner to the table. Why the floors are dirty. Why the kids are noisy. How come the government isn't coming to help those who got retrenched? Where the taxpayer's money gone to? How come people are getting fat government contracts when they are completely at sea what the contract is all about other than it is worth a couple of million ringgit. How come there's so many potholes. It is tiresome for me to list them all down but I guess you know what I am talking about. And they also have a complaint or two about the way the missus puts on a dress, or does her hair, or the kind of perfume she's got on. And he also finds women other than his missus prettier, sexier and more desirable. You can also bet your left ear that he's got more female online friends than people he knows at the mosque.
And who they go to when they need someone to cover their tracks?
Who else, Bergen (phone number not included for safety reasons.)
814 words.

12 Comments:

Blogger NBB said...

macam nujum pak belalang...

5:14 PM  
Blogger k.d said...

Hahaha..Mr.Bergen..Mr.Bergen...

I pity you...to hold all that juicy secrets.. you must be bursting to the reams!

You told me to take care..You take care too..one of the missus might just got enough wrath to twist your arm for some information!!

5:28 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

hey there! looks like I've got lots to catch up on! U're back - and as usual..I'm always the slowest to learn about these things!

looking forward to your new year of blogs sir!

6:04 PM  
Blogger podgykat said...

814 words - more truth in those words than some would care to admit, LOL. Ok, toodling off now to get that teriyaki dinner(as promised to the "brood")going....hehehehe. Good luck with that "spyware." Patent it before someone else steals the idea!!! Having fun reading....

6:50 PM  
Blogger nadya said...

:) terrer!

10:38 PM  
Blogger Ibu said...

Ya lah huh? Males in their 40s complain a lot. Even about what other men wrote in their blogs. LOL !!!

Cheers!

10:15 AM  
Blogger RedKebaya said...

hey you're out of the 'beta' now stage so to speak.... bergen dah tak testing2 lagi lol

hope u have a great year blogging :)

3:22 PM  
Blogger abdullahjones said...

;)

7:18 PM  
Blogger Blabs said...

Looking forward to more great posts from you in this new year, sir!

3:23 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Dr. Nurul: Tunggu sat, nak pi buat kopi belalang.

K.D: I'm an excellent keeper of secrets. LOL.

Anedra: Hey there! Gosh how long has it been since I last saw you. How are you, ma'am? How's your family? You haven't kept up your blog for ages. LOL. I guess you are extremely busy. Good to have you back, ma'am.

Podgykat: Good choice in this weather teriyaki. Have a good one, ma'am.

Nadya: Thank you, ma'am. How's your dad? My regards to him, ma'am.

Ibu: Something in the water...

RedKebaya: Gosh, it's good to see you again, ma'am. I missed the Shah Alam marathon last year. MPSJ 10km run was not as well organized as the year before but it was a good run. Are you still keeping up with running, and keeping up the record? Stay healthy, it's expensive to be sick.

Abdullah Jones: Thank you for the visit, sir. You've got style and I love the way you write, and the way you title your entries with just a single word. Put me down as one of the regular visitors to your blog.

Blabs: Will be visiting Kaherah quite often with the guys, flying in from Sudan. How are you, ma'am. Haven't seen you quite a bit. Good to have you here again. Thank you, ma'am.

To everyone who came for a visit, I hope you've had a good time and thank you for coming. Have a nice day now, y'hear?

Cheers!

12:58 PM  
Blogger tokasid said...

Alamak, kena sebijik kat muka I la sir....

6:06 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Tokasid: Bring me that ice pack.

4:01 PM  

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