Friday, March 03, 2006

Let's Get Married!

I saw someone today pretty as Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra that I said to myself, let's get married! (If only it is that simple to marry someone you like). I say 'like' because at this point in time this 'like' hasn't grown into something big enough to become love. Not yet, and chances are it will never grow big enough to become something I can associate it with love. Besides, the possibility of meeting up with this pretty woman the second time is as good as getting a job interview with Osama Ben Laden for a vacancy as a writer to pen down a memoir on his childhood ambition of becoming a red indian. (If only meeting up someone you like, but don't know the name of, is as simple as turning on a switch to run a blender to mix garam masala...)

I met her again. The second time. In the carpark. It wasn't entirely lady luck working in my favor. My car was on the west end of the carpark while hers on the east end. In between is a space wide enough to fit fourteen aircraft carriers. Thinking on my feet, I figured it didn't take much by way of strategy to turn this rare opportunity into something that could lead to majlis risek merisek, and then followed by hantaran, kenduri kendara, and I get to slaughter maybe two or four buffaloes at one go with my favorite German knive, and then majlis bersanding, and then majlis suap menyuap pulut kuning which I'm sure I can get my in-laws to agree to change this with something more appropriate like a whole leg of roast lamb so I can have the whole leg to myself, followed by things married people usually do like taking a stand on everything so we can start fighting right away over who has more right to sleep on the right side of the bed, or the left side.

By this time she had put away all the groceries in the trunk to drive away passing me by without looking in the general direction I was standing holding on to a trolley full of groceries for a full-grown man. Sometimes it is good not to think too much or turn everything into a television commercial.


Blogger Sayuti said...


this entry suddenly make me think about my fren Lan.

you should give him some advise.

7:47 PM  
Blogger dr in the house said...

Hey Mat Jenin! Wake up!

11:22 PM  
Blogger anggerik merah said...

Imagination or real?

10:10 AM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

Let me know, when you want to do the risek merisek, I gather all the makcik2 bloggers to represent you. Kak teh can prepare some good pantun just for the occasion.
Do I go ahead and tempah the sarung kebaya? Need to plan to visit the saloon a few times first in order to look good in the kebaya *sigh*

3:10 PM  
Blogger MA said...

ref AN's suggestion :

I can help negotiate for lesser toll charges should the Mak Andam impose any at the pelamin. Get discounts for hantaran also can ;-)

5:06 PM  
Blogger Em said...


If the lady is real,I feel that you should stake out the carpark some time same place next week..

Lots of luck ey.

11:20 PM  
Blogger thinktankgal said... can be an ad copywriter...this is good..I can imagine the ad already for my new business venture ;)

12:53 PM  
Blogger nett.nadia said...

quite long for an ad, but might be okay for an MTV style video clip :D

anyone young enough might remember jason lo's so julie. cinta itu tidak mengenal rupa dan boleh terjadi pada bila2 masa, hatta ketika membeli groceries sekalipun.

5:18 PM  
Blogger Liza said...

If you really wanted something so badly in life, the whole universe will conspire to make it happen for you. Just believe in your destiny :)

11:40 PM  
Anonymous A Babe With Big Case of Perasanism said...

*looks into mirror*

would you settle for someone who thinks she looks like audrey hepburn or winona ryder?

9:15 AM  
Blogger LifeBloom said...

Very the long your imagination - hahaha...Siap ngan sembelih kerbau lagi..If only she knew...sighhhh...

9:21 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

Since she does her grocery shopping there, chances are u might bump into her again.. Think up lines to say to her (but not corny pick-up lines PLEASE *ie. do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk past you again? NOOOOOO!*). So that u are prepared. As a precaution, just have a peek at her shopping cart and make sure she didn't buy diapers or baby formula, which will just mean that there's a high probability that she's married and that u shd back off.

All the best sir. Everything starts with a dream. And if yours is Elizabeth Taylor then, go for it.

10:43 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

Oh..and first lines you want to say to her should not include, "Let's get married". understand?

10:44 AM  
Blogger Maya said...

LOL thoughtful. Berg, hope you realize how lucky you are..all these wonderful women giving you tips :)

I remember when I wanted to get 'his' attention I had to literally trip over six yards of saree and turn red with embarrasment, and come this close >< to tears. He had no choice but to console me. Of coz once he took me in his arms there was no escape. Ummmmm perhaps a similar modus you often walk around with a rather loosely tied sarong? Hehehehe

Oh mannnnnnnnnn..I know Anedra is gonna tick me off for being bollywoody...*sigh*

2:47 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

Bergen: tumpang lalu sat; nak cakap dgn Maya.

Maya, even though it's so bollywoodish I can hear trains in the background..I know madam, you must have pulled that act with elegance and STYLE!. Eh, lunch one of these days k?

Bergen: any way we can get this Liz Taylor of yours in a saree?? This has proven to work lah!

3:09 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Sayuti: I hope your friend Lan isn't stalking on this person he's trying hard to fall in love with.

Dr Roza: I'm awake! I'm awake! Gosh, where am I?

Anggerik Merah: Hmmmm...

AuntyN: You don't need no make-over, ma'am. You are as gorgeous as you are I'm sure.

Mak Andeh: Now why do I have the impression that you can negotiate anything and get a good bargain on anything including wang hantaran.

EN: No, ma'am, I don't think it is wise. The last thing I want to do is stalk on her in a carpark. It's a dangerous thing to do knowing that most carparks are installed with CCTVs after Canny Ong's case. Some of these CCTVs may not be working but no, I don't want to do that. I'd rather leave this to chance.

Thinktankgal: I like the idea of copywriter of an ad agency. Did some reading on it, but haven't met a real-life copywriter to know any better about it.

Nett.Nadia: I'm sure that how the creator of 'Supermarket Sweep' got the idea.

Liza: I am not too sure about wanting her so badly that it may get the universe to conspire to make it happen. It's nice to think about it though.

ABWBCOP: You are not making any simpler for me, you know.

Lifebloom: Frankly, I like the sembelih lembu part. In it I can see skinning, deboning, cutting, cooking, spices...don't get me started because I may forget about marriage altogether.

Anedra: I've got it all figured out. It won't be pick-up line per se but it'll be a friendly, innocent, check-out counter comment like:

-Those roast beef you've got there looks good.
-There's a 20sen off on liquid detergent on aisle 4.
-Where did you get that from, I didn't see it. (I could pretend pointing to a cooking oil or something in her trolley.)
-I've got some extra coupons if you want.
-Your trolley looks bigger than mine, where did you get it?

That's it for now. Whaddaya think?

Maya: I'm trying to figure out how did you manage to do a trip that finally got his attention. You must have calculated the whole thing to a science, did you? I mean six yards of saree times the number of steps in a distance between you and the target. You must have also factored in the wind direction, clouds formation, ground structure, and contour lines. Salute, ma'am!

Anedra: That's a good pick up line: Excuse me, can you put on this six yard saree and trip over so I can catch you by the hand, meet eye to eye and fall in love so I can get to slaughter 4 cows in a row with my German knife?

8:43 PM  
Blogger Noni said...

uhhh.. Berg... I don't think "ur trolley looks bigger than mine", would work... u'd more likely get a tight slap on ur face for that...

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gosh Berg,

I think the best way to meet someone is to just be yourself anf be the cowboy gentleman that you are and sashay up to her and introduce yourself and just ask her out for a drink.

Grab the bull by the horns... (not literally, rather u have to take actions into your own hands).

Good Luck!

9:28 AM  
Blogger mokciknab said...

Mr Bergen,
Such good stuff! I am so sorry I didn't visit you sooner, because I should have, because I love the way you write.

BTW, you should stalk the woman, that's what I think.

10:58 AM  
Blogger thinktankgal said...

Berg...the more I look at that ring, the more I want it...better update soon lah ;)

11:12 AM  
Blogger anne said...

aaahhhh...the idea of falling in love...bliss

12:01 PM  
Blogger Ikelah said...

Selamat pengantin baru eventhough dreaming..... its better than live...u get what u want virtually. ;)

12:36 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Noni: Okay, point taken. It's a bad line, but can you think up of something more appropriate. How about the tyres of your trolley don't look well-aligned. You need to send it for balancing. Good?

Aida: Okay, next time I see her, I'm gonna walk up to her say something like, ma'am would you like to go for air sirap bandung cincau?

Mokciknab: No, ma'am. Stalking will only make a woman feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. I wouldn't do that. Thank you for visiting, ma'am.

Thinktankgal: I can buy it for you if you want.

Anne: ooooh, the idea of not knowing how to get to her.

Ikelah: All I have to do is dream dream dream, sir.

1:28 PM  
Blogger Noni said...

OK... how about giving her a friendly smile and trying to catch her eyes and while looking straight into them use ur ESP to tell her,

"Hi pretty lady, I find u very attractive, and I want u to know that and I don't give a hoot if u have 5 ex-husbands and a trailer-ful of kids",

If she connects with u, her ESP would instantly let u know that she is saying ...

a) "what r u staring at, u pervert? Never seen anything in a skirt before?"

b) "I am flattered, ur not too bad urself. But I am not interested. My girlfriend is waiting for her dinner."

c) "Hey there sexy. Let's check into a motel already"

d) "Hi handsome, I find u very attractive, and I want u to know that and I don't give a hoot if u have 5 ex-wives and a trailer-ful of kids"

Whichever the option, god-willing u will know how to proceed from there.

Sometimes the best lines are those that are unspoken.

Good luck En Bergen.

3:05 PM  
Blogger NBB said...

hek eleh...nak kawin dengan orang lawa je...kuang 3X

8:01 AM  
Blogger Sayuti said...

nbb, of kos la. dah dikaji dlm discovery channel.

men prefer beautiful women for both short term and long term relationship.

women prefer handsome men for short term relationship. for long term, they prefer financially stable men.

9:17 AM  
Blogger thinktankgal said...

Bergen..thanks for the offer - very nice indeed...but it would be nice if my soulmate (whoever he is) to buy it for me... :D

10:14 AM  

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